Namida
by Anda chan
Summary: 04.19.05 - Ch 15 up! - All Edward wanted was some time alone after having arrived in Central. What he received however was an unwanted visitor with a different agenda... [Envy x Ed, shounen-ai, end of series spoilers in later chapters]
1. Tear

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: Beware the spontaneous plotbunny! Oo; This came out of a conversation about Cinnabon popcorn and messy icing. This is what happened. And yes I know there would be no Cinnabon in Amestris, but that's why I don't mention the place. . ; Anyway, enjoy and don't kill me for the PWP. XD;

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**Namida**

There was just something about sitting down after a long day's work – or aimless wandering – with a small square box from which filtered the tempting, mouth watering smell of a warm cinnamon roll. He could just picture the warm, melted icing slipping over the edges to gather at the bottom of the white box. Mouth-watering was putting it lightly. Edward pried the box open, taking a moment to look at the sight he'd been picturing before pulling a piece of the edge apart to slip it between his lips. In his mind, any day could be made better after dessert...or any type of food, but especially dessert. And so he sat there on his small bed, propped against the wall, legs extended in a V so that the little box sat on the mattress between them. He savored every piece that was tugged off the roll, paying little attention to the bits of icing that dripped down his fingers as he chewed the soft, sugary goodness he had only been able to find – this good – in Central. It was perhaps the only thing he looked forward to when they arrived in the busy city.

The early afternoon sun streamed in from the window across the room, left slightly ajar to allow the faint warm breeze to slip within. It was just as he slipped one of the few remaining pieces between glistening lips that Ed caught the faint movement across the room. It did not register at first, what his golden visage was offering him. It did not register even seconds later when he saw the familiar figure drop gracefully from the perched position on the windowsill to the hard wooden floor of the small bedroom. In any order circumstance, he would think himself to be hallucinating – sleep deprived as he had been over the last couple of days, it would not be surprising – but this, as unreal as it felt, would not be something he'd have the creativity to imagine. Not when the supposed hallucination featured his latest worst nightmare, prowling toward him with such predatory gaze upon unnaturally colored eyes.

Edward froze, sticky fingers hovering over the box in which still remained one last piece – the inner center, the most delicious bit of the roll. Wide golden eyes skimmed downward as the unwanted visitor – the bastard, the walking nightmare, the source of his anger – dropped to the floor halfway across the room. If anything, the catlike movements of hands and knees sliding across the floor made him even more uncomfortable; left him speechless without even the anger he could so easily summon under normal circumstances. There was nothing normal about this.

"What are you..." he had found his voice – barely, as his body twitched, reacted and buried him against the wall as far as he could go, shrinking against the pale white surface.

The mattress shifted slightly, long fingers sliding upon the edge, followed by haphazard, gravity-defying strands of deep emerald-black. And that grin – the grin he'd grown to despite with all his might was flashed just a couple of feet before him. "Are you not going to finish your dessert, o-chibi-san?" Envy purred in his usually mocking tone as that androgynous body slid upward, knees resting upon the edge of the mattress.

It was only then that anger fired up – perhaps out of instinct at hearing such a word. Lips parted, brows furrowing as a breath gathered in his lungs to release a string of over-exaggerated words when all thoughts were frozen by the warm set of lips and tongue that had attached to his left hand. He idly felt the cool grip around his wrist, his senses refusing to give him any more other than the thought, the sensation of that hot tongue lapping at glistening, sticky fingers, cleaning them of the icing that would have otherwise have gone to waste.

Edward gasped, squirming further against the wall. "What do you think you're doing?!" He snapped, yanking his hand back only to be further surprised by the two fingers that held the last remaining piece of the cinnamon roll between them, hovering right before his lips.

"Open up"

"I am no-!" A blink. A faint growl in the back of his throat and yet there was nothing more he could do once the bit of sweet fluffy dessert was shoved into his mouth. The fingers that lingered against his lips created a distraction.

"You're supposed to chew now, chibi-san."

How dare he waltz in here – how the hell did he get in anyway?! – and invade his private space and not even pose a threat. Or rather, pose a threat he knew how to deal with! ...before he realized it, he was chewing, savoring that last piece, though trying now to slip away, put the distance between them that he needed in order to get a proper grasp upon his senses. At least he was not suffering from multiple bruises as he usually did after meeting the psychotic bastard. The dubbed Fullmetal Chibi went nowhere; however as he saw rather than felt those warm lips travel along cool metal digits, cleaning away all the remaining icing that had stained the grey surface in translucent pearl.

"Stop that..." he muttered once swallowing both the piece of roll and the shivers that threatened to betray him.

Violet eyes, intense, hungry stared up at him. A wide, devious grin spreading over his intruder's lips, even as that tongue was occupied at lapping the sweet goodness off those unfeeling metal digits. And yet, regardless of the fact that he knew he could not feel that taunting touch as lips suckled the last traces of icing from his fingers, a shiver tore up his back, finally betraying him to the bastard that had immediately caught it.

"Make me..." he whispered, releasing that metal limb in order to lean closer, upward, lips warm, full so near his own. Edward squirmed, tried to push him off, but only ended up trapped beneath Envy's stronger body, wrists crossed and pinned above his head against the wall.

"Get off!" He squirmed some more, trying to throw his weight against him. Not even the extra strength induced by the automail could get him to budge. With his legs trapped as they were, pinned beneath Envy's weight, there was little he could do.

"Did your mother never teach you proper table manners?" A slender brow was quirked, disappearing beneath the black headband for a few seconds. A grin spread over those lips as Ed glared furiously, fighting against him. Envy chuckled and leaned closer. "You're a mess, chibi-san." He added as that tongue snaked out to trace up his chin, gathering the crumbs and bits of sugary icing that had gathered along the corner of his lips.

Edward froze, eyes wide and staring at a strand of deep emerald tinted black. It looked soft now that he had the chance to look at it up close. Definitely touchable...even tugable. A deep crimson hue spread across his face; he felt the sudden tingly burn redden his cheeks. Just what he needed! To blush like a little schoolgirl, which is exactly what the damn bastard enjoyed.

He hated to be right when it came to such circumstances. Ed felt rather than watched the grin spread wider upon Envy's lips. One last lap dampened the spot at the corner of his lips and with it the last signs of icing were effectively cleaned away. Blushing furiously, Ed refused to look at him. Fingers were slid down the length of his left arm, teasing every ripple of toned muscle, taut now by the strain applied to his pinned wrists.

"Are you done?" he growled, keeping his voice down lest it give him away. There was something absolutely sensual about this – erotic, even. It had to be a dream. Things like this just did not happen in real life – at least not to him! And if they did, they shouldn't!

"Maa you're blushing, chibi-san" Envy eloquently pointed out as he sat up. Bare knees had settled comfortably on either side of his thighs, creating a graceful contrast of pale bare flesh against the thick black leather. Perhaps it was the realization of such physical contact, or the comment itself that got him flustered. Ed struggled once more, shoving his full weight against the thin androgynous body that had the audacity of pinning him in such a way. The retaliation appeared to have worked as Envy tumbled backward against the soft mattress, momentarily stunned by the sudden burst of strength. The Fullmetal chibi darted across the bed, thudding heavily upon the hardwood floor before scrambling desperately for the door. Envy was quicker to recover however and dashed across the room, cutting off the escape route before it was seen through. Edward came to a skidding halt, saving himself the humiliation of slamming head first into the pursuing homunculus, at the cost of coming to his knees upon the faintly polished floor.

"Leaving so soon, o-chibi-san?"

"Stop calling me that!!!" He exploded, beginning to rise but always keeping an eye on the closed door behind his intruding predator. "Get out of my way..." Envy stood far too casual, too cocky, too damn sure of himself. Anger boiled, but something he saw in those deep violet eyes cooled the anger only to replace it with something other – something of a desperate panic was he was beginning to feel like a caged animal with no where to turn. When the androgynous devil did not move, Edward reacted, throwing a well aimed fist at that pretty face. His cool metal wrist was grasped and tugged at – rather than shoved away as he had been prepared for. The tug took him off balance, causing a stumble which landed him flatly against the homunculus' half-bare body. He felt an arm slide around his waist, securely holding him in place. His breath hitched in his throat; his golden eyes widened, getting a close-up look of how smoothly toned muscles rippled beneath the thin, skin-tight black turtleneck that left little for the imagination.

He silently fumed at the obvious height difference, now made so goddamn apparent.

Ed had no time to complain, though, as his chin was forcefully raised; his mouth – half-parted in the workings of protest – claimed by eager, sweet tainted lips.

He could taste the sugary goodness of icing upon those lips. They were soft – it had not just been his imagination before. Soft...kissable... though, surprise kept him from trying to put an end to it, much less to have any thought of acting upon the hormonal instinct that was screaming at him from inside his head. Envy took the lack of reaction as an open window to advance, an opportunity to snake that taunting tongue past his lips and into the hot cavern of his mouth, exploring possessively as fingers entangled into the once neat golden braid at the nape of his neck. A slight groan escaped Ed's throat, lashes fluttering as he came to himself, even if the shock was still very much present. He cursed his body that reacted far too quickly to such demanding touches and would not allow him to register the fact that he was not quite pinned any longer.

As if his mind had been read, he felt himself spin around and slam harshly against the wall right beside the closed door that would lead to his freedom and probably his sanity. The interest was no longer there, however. His mind clouded, thoughts buzzing dimly in his head. Time passed without him knowing, eyes closed, lips responding to the touches pressed to them, limbs shifting as he felt fingers pry the soft material of his shirt from him. Despite the warmth of the afternoon, the sudden chill of finding himself stripped to the waist caused a shiver to race up his back.

There was no time to think of what was happening, no time to formulate the facts correctly, the reasoning of his desperate hold around that thin body, fingers clawing at his bare back beneath the tight shirt, the yearning betrayed upon the wanton look on his face as lips traveled down the side of his neck, leaving chills in their wake. It was easier not to think and simply feel. Feel the fingers that unbuckled his heavy belt, threw the bridge of his pants aside. Feel the weight of that body pressed so tightly to his own, the possessive nature of those hands as they roamed his body, sliding curiously along the heavy metal sheets that composed his automail.

"Stop playing around..." he heard himself gasp, watching through half lidded golden eyes. Edward breathed heavily, chest raising and falling with harsh gasps he attempted vainly to control to no avail.

Being rewarded with a chuckle was perhaps not what he had been expecting, and thus he glared as best he could from behind messy bangs.

"And I thought you had wanted me to leave." Envy chimed cheerfully, pulling those bangs out of the shorter one's face. Lips hovered close and Edward held his breath. A slight nip tugged at his bottom lip, which was by then faintly bruised and pouty. He flinched slightly and tugged at whatever strands he could wind his fingers around, pulling them apart momentarily once more as he gasped quietly.

It had long occurred to him that he was in no control of this situation, he had even begun to accept the fact but taunting was something he would not tolerate. He was already toyed with on a daily basis, he did not need it now... not that any of this was even healthy for his mental sanity, but such considerations were far from his mind at the present moment. He met Envy's amethyst eyes for a moment and released the hold he had upon those emerald tinted strands, leaning heavily against the wall behind him. Lips were dampened, gaze shifted toward the ceiling upon which danced the shadows cast by the afternoon glow that filtered within the small bedroom.

The ceiling was no longer available to him as the center of attention as he felt himself rise in the air, sliding upward against the wall. Hands instinctively went for the black clad shoulders in front of him. Ed felt his pants being tugged further down, exposing him to the comfortable warmth of the room and could not help the flush that spread over his face.

It was also then that reality slapped him in the face. How could he allow this to happen? How could he be so calm – or rather, so eager for something like this? Something he was also not completely naïve to, but not exactly an expert at. His chance to escape had come and gone, however. His chance to put an end to it had expired the moment he was pulled into the sensuality of the moment.

Edward cried out, all thoughts disappearing from his mind, at the none-too-gentle entrance that jarred pain through his senses. Legs wrapped tightly around Envy's bare waist, pulling him closer and keeping him there as he gasped harshly, trying to relax, though finding it virtually impossible. He had a faint moment to wonder just what had been used since despite the near forceful entry, he could feel some sort of lubrication having been used. The reasonable half of his mind was easily shut up, soon there after as a palm slammed into the wall beside his head. He was not the only one loosing control.

A small whimper escaped his lips as Envy shifted, inadvertently striking a spot deep within him that caused white flashes to spark behind his eyes. The pain was ever-present, though gradually consumed by something other – more primal. Arms had wound tightly around his present lover's neck; muscles twitching with the strain implemented upon them. Envy too shuddered with each and every movement taken which seated him deeper within Ed's eager body.

Combined gasps hushed the constant drone that filtered through the opened window; the gradually rising volume of previously quiet cries made it completely obsolete. Ed screamed only minutes later, throwing his head back with a harsh thud against the wall. He hardly felt it as his body shuddered pleasantly and continued to do so as the other finalized his own satisfaction.

It all seemed unreal now that he sat upon the floor, half covered in the clothes he had been wearing not long ago. The afternoon light was gradually filtering to deeper hues of red with the approaching sunset. The sound of metal scrapping the floor was the only sound within the small bedroom now. It felt so empty, alone. The perfect representation of his being at the moment. So used, violated...and the worst part was that he had enjoyed it, urged it on, sought that touch, that kiss, that pressure of mingling bodies, of the sweat that had gathered at his brow, the evidence of their actions. Maybe in some foolish part of his mind he had actually expected it to end differently. It was foolishness; a child's dream of an impossibly happy end to a meaningless act of lust.

Maybe he had wanted the bastard to stay...maybe he had wanted to bed led back to bed, let to rest, let the pain to cease burning spots he never thought could hurt this bad. Maybe he had expected something other than a cold, sardonic smile upon those lips he had thought so soft, so kissable. Something other than the release of his body onto the floor, onto the pile of clothes that had been discarded. Something other than the look of victory in those mirthful amethyst eyes as he left in the exact same way he had entered earlier on: through that window, no longer ajar but left completely open – a blatant metaphor he had easily seen.

Edward cursed under his breath, voice shaky with betrayal, with his own naïve stupidity. He felt the burning hot touch of tears at the corner of his eyes, but would not allow them to fall. It had been years since he had last shed tears, he would never shed them now for himself. His right fist slammed into the floor as he glanced up at that unveiled window, swallowing the hurt at the back of his throat.

The glistening drops at the corner of his eyes did not fall.

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Note on the title: it's Japanese for Tear. ; Any comments? Be gentle, it's my first FMA lemon! XD;;


	2. Disturbance

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: I had a feeling this was going to happen. XD

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**Namida  
**- chapter 2 -  
_Disturbance_

A week had passed in complete eventless boredom. Edward was not sure whether to curse or bless his luck. The days had been spent holed up in the State library, pouring over desks full of books, over pages and words he barely absorbed. It was easier to remain there, however, until nightfall than wander the streets or – god forbid – spend anytime at the Headquarters. The last thing he needed was the scrutiny of the Colonel on him at a time like this. It was bad enough that Alphonse had begun to question him. He had brushed all questions off with a few fake smiles and nonchalant looks, but knew that his brother was just playing along in leaving him alone.

He was surrounded by intuitive bastards. Ed sighed, hanging his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he wandered down the dimly lit streets back to the dormitories. Night had fallen hours ago and he was wide awake – having taken to slumbering upon library books once more. It was become more and more frequent, but he did not think that anyone really minded. At least he had not been scolded too badly about it just yet.

The tip of his boot caught on a loose pebble, and sent it bouncing down the road in front of him, only to be kicked once more once he reached it. His interest in kicking the victimized pebble was lost as he turned the corner. The moment he passed the bakery, his stomach lurched. It was ritual for him to stop there every night as he returned to the dormitories and pick up some goodies from the kitchen while they cleaned up. The ritual had been broken a week ago however, when upon stopping by the following night, he had been offered none other than a couple of still steaming cinnamon rolls to take back. He had taken the box with a smile, only to offer it to one of the neighborhood kids on his way home.

Cinnamon rolls had been effectively ruined for him. His favorite dessert turned into something that would only trigger the memories of that despicable afternoon. The taste that had lingered in his mouth; the feel of hot flesh against his own; the scent buried in those long silky strands of deep emerald black…

It was enough to make him want to scream, but instead Ed picked up his pace, storming down the street away from the bakery, which emitted such tempting scents. His stomach growled, protesting with hunger and for once in his life, he ignored it.

After five minutes of jumping at shadows along the way, Ed finally climbed his way to his room on the third floor.

"Welcome back, niisan!"

A weak smile tugged at his lips at his brother's ever-cheerful greeting. "Hey…" Edward closed the door behind him and immediately migrated toward his bed in the opposite corner of the room, upon which he flopped face first.

"Ano… Lieutenant Hawkeye dropped these off for you earlier."

"What is it?"

"A file folder and a dessert box," returned Al, as he walked both items across the room.

The file was normal, hardly out of the ordinary…but… Ed glimpsed up, pushing himself up slightly as he peered at the small white box in Alphonse's hands. Golden eyes widened ever slightly.

"What is it, niisan?"

"N-nothing…when did she bring this?" He fought the immensely large lump in his throat.

"Not an hour ago, why?"

Edward shook his head and took the file but however made no move to snatch the box. It was only moments later that he realized just how suspicious it would appear for him to openly refuse food like that. And thus, reluctantly took it into his lap, staring at the string that kept it shut with a frown.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Al prodded quietly as if expecting some sort of rebuke for the question.

"I'm fine, Al…just tired. I'll look at this tomorrow." And thus dismissing the case, Ed set both file and the damned box on the nightstand. He lay back down facing the wall and pretended to go to sleep until he heard the creaking of armor step away from the bed. His eyes slid open then, and he stared at the wall in front of him, watching the small imperfections without really seeing them. He felt hunted, watched – uncomfortable in his own skin. His small body curled up instinctively as if that alone would protect him from that persuasive devil.

Perhaps what was most unnerving of all was not that he had returned, but that he had done so in such a cheap tactic as to impersonate the Lieutenant. Fingers tightened around the edge of the covers as he seethed silently. But what was the point of all this? Why use a disguise and come knowing to find his brother? And why the hell bring him something in the first place?! Next thing he knew, he'd have a dozen roses waiting outside the door.

Edward flushed furiously at the thought and buried his head beneath the heavy stack of covers.

------

"I should've have just stayed in Rizenbool longer." Ed muttered later that morning. He'd avoided paying an official visit at Headquarters, wanting nothing to do with that office this early in the morning.

He dimly heard the tower bell across the city announce the noon hour and grinned sheepishly. It was still early according to his internal clock, which had not allowed him to catch proper sleep the previous night. Dreams he thought had finally disappeared returned to remind him of that which he longed fiercely to forget. But it was no use dwelling upon it now, Edward decided, stubbornly pushing all those thoughts forcefully out of his mind.

As he walked aimlessly down the streets, however, he could not shake the feeling of being watched, constantly surveyed. It was unnerving, and perhaps it was merely his recent paranoia acting up, but the sensation was not gone even after he wandered into his usual bookstore.

"Good afternoon, Edward!" the shop keeper greeted him cheerfully, which forced him to return the greeting with a smile.

"Looking for anything in particular, today?"

"Not really," in truth, it had been the first shop with an open door that he had been able to wander into. But while he was there, he figured that he could look into a couple of titles. Ed slipped down the narrow shelf-formed aisles toward the back, glimpsing over the various heavy bound books.

"G'morning, chibi-san"

Edward jumped, backing heavily into one of the wooden shelves. That voice, that greeting. Golden eyes, wide with shock, glimpsed up to see the devil perching upon the ledge of one of the shelves, just a couple of feet above him.

"Is everything alright back there?" called the shopkeeper.

"F-fine!" he returned, trying to keep the shakiness out of his voice as he watched Envy above him. Watched those violet eyes follow the voice of the shopkeeper, only to return to him moments later, much more interested. A small step was taken away from the shelf, distancing himself from the ever-predatory homunculus. Gradually, he was even able to summon a fitting glare, but much to his disappointment, Envy smiled with sincere mirth before hoping down to the floor.

Bare feet whispered against the floor as he landed gracefully and quietly approached.

"What are you doing here?"

"Is that any way to greet someone?" His head tilted, sending gravity-defying strands across his deep violet gaze. Ed could not help but notice the fresh black nail polish upon those long fingers that extended toward him to cup and caress his cheek. It took him a moment to come back to himself and shove that hand away with a glare.

"You're right. I should be killing you instead!" He hissed, finding the anger that would keep him out of trouble…for the most part.

A perfectly innocent look came across the other's face. He never thought it possible and blinked stupidly. "I've come in peace, chibi-san, no need to be so angry."

Fullmetal glared indignantly, pushing past him with all intentions of walking away without another word, before any damage was done. His plan did not go accordingly however as he felt hands push at his shoulders, press him against the bookshelf.

"Let go of me!" He managed to keep his tone down, not wanting to alert the shop keeper. The panic, however, had snuck into his voice. This was beginning to reminisce of the previous week. Before he could protest any further, his lips were claimed by a surprisingly light, though possessive kiss, which rendered him completely still. Protesting words were wiped from his mind; as did every other thought but the sensation of those lips against his own, the warmth that radiated from the half-bared body so close to his own.

Metal collided heavily with flesh. Envy stumbled back, a look of disbelief crossing his features as he touched the red mark upon his cheek. He had not thought of pinning his arms down.

Ed stood there, panting softly with a faintly crimson flush still upon his face. "Do not…touch me…" He gasped shakily.

"Tst!" The other's look of disbelief turned into something of a glare, complete with a scowl. A nice imprint of screws and metal digits glowed bright red against his pretty face.

Ed composed himself and backed away with all intentions of slipping out of the store. Quickly. To his surprise, he managed to step foot outside the door into the warming day, in the relative safety of the small crowd. What he had not expected was for Envy to actually stomp out after him and despite the questioning glimpses, follow him.

There was just enough time as sparks crackled, and the top layer of his automail extended into a point. Edward spun around, extending his arm so that the tip of the blade pressed to the homunculus' throat. "I told you to leave me the hell alone!"

Envy came to a quick halt, but not quick enough to save the nick that drew a droplet of blood from his neck. "You don't always get what you want, chibi-san." He returned lightly and leaned back, away from the sharp weapon. Edward had no time to react as he spun around, landing a perfectly elegant roundhouse kick on his jaw.

Ed's body spun with the unexpected blow, which floored him. Just as he was about to rise, however, his body was pinned at the waist by the extra weight of Envy's body. Knees had collapsed on the dirty ground on either side of his waist so that he was effectively straddled and pinned, at least momentarily. Golden eyes widened as he realized where they were and in what situation he had gotten himself into. A deep red flush spread over his cheeks, numbing out the pain of the kick to his jaw with the burning of embarrassment as he saw Envy lean closer. He felt before actually seeing his chin being grasped by long fingers and gasped.

"W-what are you…" he gasped, unable to get proper words out as those lips hovered so damn near.

"I thought you knew better than try to fight me here and now, chibi-san…" the homunculus whispered.

Edward barely registered those words as a high, innocent voice near by shook him out of his paralysis. He barely caught the scene out of the corner of his eye as a little girl insistently tugged at her mother's skirts, who tried with no avail to drag her away. "What are they doing, mommy??" The child kept questioning until finally being distracted by a toy store and running off in the opposite direction.

If he could have glowed any other tones of crimson, he would have.

The many shades of scarlet did indeed deepen as Envy laughed, low and sultry, obviously having overheard the little girl and enjoying the flustered effect it had on his prey.

"Get off me!" He squirmed desperately, trying to shake Envy off with little success.

"What's the matter, beany?"

"We're in the middle of the street, get off!!"

A dramatic gasp. "How inconsiderate of me! Yes, privacy is best, after all." He winked and before Ed could respond with flailing protests at the wild innuendo, he felt himself be yanked by his arm back onto his feet. Not soon enough had he planted his feet on the ground that he was airborne, flipped unbelievably easily over one shoulder and carried off the main street.

"Let me down!!" Edward flailed as best he could…pausing only momentarily to notice the incredibly pleasing view he had from his upside down position of that skirt covered rear-end. He instantly flushed at the observation and spazzed in that strong grasp.

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::sheepish grin:: I had to leave it off there, it was too tempting not to. ; Please no thrown bricks! 


	3. Filthy Little Secret

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: I'm going straight to hell for this story, I know it. ::grin:: There's more smut this time around, but look, there's also plot! ::gasp:: Well, I'm trying, damn it. Still no spoilers either, by the way.

* * *

**Namida  
**- Chapter 3 -  
_Filthy Little Secret_

Daylight had completely strayed from the sky by the time Edward reached the dormitories. The hallway was quiet, safe for the habitual murmur of voices from behind closed doors. It was that time of day where it was far too early to go to bed and far too late to do much else. The cafeteria was probably packed and loud – the last place he wanted to step into, even though his stomach protested loudly with hunger. He absently rubbed at it, thinking that perhaps there was something to snack on in the room. And for once he wished there was some way for him to sit alone for a little while. Alphonse knew him far too well to believe that it had just been another simple, eventless day. And as much as he loved his younger brother, he did not want to be questioned, even if it was out of concern.

As expected, his brother had already returned to the room and sat at the desk, flipping through one of the various books he had confiscated out of the library.

"I'm back." He announced, putting the effort into sounding nonchalant, if not actually content.

"Welcome back!" Al turned around to look at him, and even through the cold metal of the armor, Ed could see the smile that would have been there. Perhaps some company was not the worst thing in the world right now, he thought quietly to himself while shuffling across the room. The mattress of his bed squeaked beneath his weight as he flopped down upon it, remaining like that a few moments, staring at the ceiling before sitting up to tug the heavy boots from his feet.

"Did you see the Colonel, niisan?"

"Hm..?" A blink. Oh…shit. "No, I didn't get to."

Scrutinizing eyes fell upon him right away. "What did you do all day?!"

Edward felt himself grow flustered as he gathered himself upon the mattress. "I was at the library!" He returned a little too quickly. It was the first lie he could think of that would sound somewhat plausible in this situation.

"Nissan!"

"What?"

A sigh echoed within the hollow armor. Al shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder if you like to invite trouble."

Edward wondered about that himself from time to time, but would say nothing on the subject right now. It was a touchy topic, ringing far too close to home. In order to divert the attention away from his afternoon whereabouts, he pushed himself up. "I'm going to go take a shower," he muttered, grabbing the first thing at the top of his trunk before shuffling out into the hall. Once the door was shut behind him, he paused, releasing a deep, shaky breath. Fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. He was far too worked up for his own good.

"If you kick me one more time, chibi-san, I'm dropping you on your head!" Envy warned him, jabbing a finger into Ed's side, which only got another spaz fit out of him.

"Let me go!" No sooner had he uttered the word and the tip of his boot scrapped the bare skin of the other's abdomen, that Ed saw the ground race up to meet him. Eyes wide, he held out his arms just in time to catch himself with an ungraceful flip that landed him on his back. The air rushed from his lungs and he coughed. But at least he was free…and staring up the length of a pair of bare legs. He flushed, scrambling quickly into a sitting position as Envy crouched down beside him with a crooked frown upon that pretty face.

"You've got serious stubbornness issues, chibi-san."

"Stop calling me that." He half growled, making sure there was some distance them.

Envy chuckled. "As soon as you grow a bit more."

Golden brows furrowed in a glare, but unlike all other times, Edward did not flail over the insult. It was different coming from someone he purely detested than a mere stranger or even those that had become part of his rather dysfunctional family.

"There, there, shrimpy-san," Envy mocked him, complete with a pat on the head and a flick of that ever-present antenna that him a few extra centimeters to call his own.

Ed scowled and shook away from the patting hand. After a couple of unsuccessful tries, he pushed himself to his feet, dusted himself off and began backing away, toward the main street where there was more movement. He grew suspicious as he watched Envy still crouched before him, peering up at him. Grew even more suspicious as the other made no move to rise, but the look in those deep violet eyes grew even more devious – if such was even possible.

There was no time to dash out of the alley, but perhaps he could have made time. If there was something he was good at was running from unwelcome enemies. And yet Ed found himself backed into the wall, pinned there by nothing other than two thin yet muscular arms on either side of him; the slender, almost feminine body that stood before him. "You can behave or I can stop being nice."

"Nice?!" Ed almost screamed; an urgent sense of panic welling in his throat. "If you want to be nice then leave me the fuck alone!"

Envy sighed, bowing his head slightly, which caused loose strands of that silky hair to brush against his cheek. Ed forced himself to remain still, though pressed his eyes tightly shut. This was not happening. A sharp crack caused him to return to himself, jumping slightly in place. He caught debris crumble to the floor beside him and turned his head slightly to see an indent in the wall beneath Envy's fist. Golden eyes widened. The urge to run was now stronger than ever. He saw his escape by ducking beneath his captor's arm, but before being able to complete his strategic move, he was shoved forcefully against the wall once more and his lips claimed just as quickly.

He remembered that touch, the taste that lingered upon that mouth. A taste he did not recognize, nor could ever place but would always know it to be Envy's. For a brief instant Ed wished he knew some name other than that despicable sin by which to call him. For that brief instant a name was important because somehow it would distance him from past events and his endless quest. Because then he might even be able to enjoy the touch of those lips, the taste of that kiss without having to fight the need that knotted in his stomach.

------

The knock on the door jarred him out of his reminiscent thoughts of that afternoon. He blinked dumbly and shut off the water that had begun to run cooler than he would have liked it. Another knock sounded, this time in the company of Al's voice calling for him.

"I'll be out in a minute, Al."

"O-…okay." He could tell that there was more to the response, but none came. After a few moments, he heard the heavy steps distancing themselves from the door. Edward exhaled, bringing a towel to the dripping strands of blonde hair.

Not five minutes later, he emerged from the steaming bathroom and padded barefoot toward the room. The bottom of his loose black pants dragged on the floor, much too long for him but it was the comfort that mattered. His stomach growled and he glare at it through the faded gray tank top he had thrown on. Perhaps it was time to give in… he knew that cinnamon roll still sat on his bedside table…

Ed darted into the bedroom, golden eyes predatorily scanning for the white box that would be the solution to his hunger. Momentarily, at least. The thought of what that bun meant did not even cross his mind – well, it did, but either the shocking effect had numbed or he had reached the point of desperation.

"Niisan?" Al called curiously. The sight must have been truly amusing as he climbed over the bed to check the floor next to the table. There! He reached down, snatching it from the small pile of books that had gathered there over the last couple of days.

"Yosh!" he cheered quietly, prying the box open. It was not out-of-the-bakery fresh like he was used to, but it was still good, still held that incredible smell that caused his mouth to water. He was not even sure how he had managed to avoid it all of the previous night.

He broke off a piece, relishing in the taste of sugar and cinnamon and the half-melted icing. This was not the time to savor it, however, when his stomach demanded attention. Thus, as Al watched dumbfound, Ed devoured the roll within a couple of minutes and took the time to suck the icing and crumbs from his fingers. Only then did he notice the look his brother was giving him from across the room and blinked. Edward flashed him a silly grin, half embarrassed by his display of seeming starvation.

Funny…the roll had been nothing but a roll. There had been no impending doom as he had expected. It had just been a roll like any other, even if it had been brought by someone that, at least for a week, had ruined the savor of cinnamon rolls for him.

He could not feel any more relieved. And for the moment sated, Ed flopped down on his bed, a small grin upon his lips. A breath escaped his lips as he rolled onto his side, tucking an arm beneath his damp head. Golden eyes fell upon the large suit of armor his brother inhabited. All signs of a smile left him as quickly as it had appeared.

"What's the matter?"

Metal scrapped softly as Al shook his head. "It's nothing, niisan."

Ed opened his mouth to protest, but his brother went on. "It's just that you've been acting strangely ever since we got back."

Silence reigned for a few moments. The mattress creaked softly as Edward sat up, slightly frowning at the observation.

"Everything's okay, right?" Al continued. "You'd tell me if there was something wrong, right, niisan?"

"Ah…" Ed was taken back for a moment, but quickly summoned a smirk. "Of course."

It did not appear that his younger brother had been entirely convinced. In fact, he was not sure if his response had made it even worse before easing Al's anxiety. Ed sighed and scratched the back of his head.

"Nothing's wrong, Al, I promise."

His brother nodded quietly, saying no more as he returned his attention to the books on the desk in front of him.

Edward frowned, but let it go. There was little he could do. He certainly could not reveal what had caused him to behave…strangely, as Al had put it, through the duration of the previous week. Resigning any further thought on the matter, he lay back down, willing himself to sleep.

------

He knew he should not be there…standing inside that door, inside that small room that was not his own. He knew that he would come to regret it later and yet, having the chance to turn around and walk away, he chose to stay behind. Ed stood there a few moments longer, hand upon the doorframe, still within the range of escape until he felt those slitted violet eyes upon him. Before Envy had a chance to say anything, he closed the door behind him.

Ed was not sure just what had happened in the last half an hour. It was as if he had lost that bit of time somewhere between the first kiss and this very moment. It was a guilty pleasure, perhaps. The promise of feeling those few moments of pleasure once more. But he could not shake the thought of abandonment that had end it all the previous week. He could not shake the coldness he had felt, the heavy pit within his stomach, which was now replaced by an anxious feeling. Must be those infamous butterflies he had always heard people mention.

He gasped, feeling hands upon his shoulders and glanced up. His had had been lowered to the point that he had neither heard nor seen the other pad on over to wake him out of his reverie. "Wha..?"

A slender brow disappeared beneath the dark headband. "Did you come here to stand there and daydream, chibi-san?"

Fullmetal tried to glare at the insult and yet…it was becoming more of a name Envy called him out of habit more so than an actual insult. Realizing that his mind was about to carry him off once more, he forced his throat to work. "No…"

The small grin that spread over the other's lips did little to ease the constant fluttering in his gut. Ed was doing his best not to think – granted, he was surely not thinking very logically if he had come here out of his own will. He would no doubt deny that free will later on.

"You think too much."

He jumped. Again. Twice in the span of a couple of minutes. He would never live it down. But while he was preoccupied in combating the scarlet hues that insisted in spreading over his face, he felt himself being led across the room. He had not even thought that the homunculus would have living arrangements. It was easier to think of the enemy as something other, distant from himself.

It was when the cool air graced his skin that he realized the missing coat and unzipped jacket that hung from his shoulders. A gasp was torn from his lips as fingers slid over the bare skin of his flesh; over the dark scars that disappeared beneath the plates of automail. A small whimper escaped him soon thereafter. Envy had easily picked up on the heightened sensitivity in that area and traced those deep jagged scars with slow, sensual brushes of lips and tongue. Edward shuddered, tangling his fingers non-too-gently into long emerald tinted strands. Even through the cold metal of the automail, he could feel the warmth of those lips and as they gradually ascended up the side of his neck, he shivered pleasantly.

The mattress was beneath him, soft and surprisingly comfortable. His hair, slightly wavy from the constant braiding, spread haphazardly around his shoulders. Ed bit his bottom lip, tilting his head with a suppressed cry. He had began to wonder if Envy had not been named incorrectly. And as those lips slipped around his throbbing member, Ed cried out, unable to stifle it any longer and was thoroughly convinced that this sin's proper title should have been Lust.

------

Edward sat up with a gasp, finding himself in cold sweat even though the room was warm; late morning sunshine streaming in through the open window. The room was deserted. Someone was stubbornly banging upon the door.

"Hold on!" He muttered, stumbling out of bed. It took some effort to make it to the door without any incidents; his body did not seem to want to properly function this soon after rising out of bed.

The morning could not have started any worse if he had opened the door to Satan himself. Edward stood there, fingers clasped around the doorknob, glimpsing up at the uniformed figure of Mustang standing in front of him.

"Colonel," Ed mumbled quietly, curiously.

"Fullmetal."

"To what do I owe the honor of a house visit?"

Colonel Roy Mustang visibly twitched at the sarcastic tone. Clearly he had not expected Ed to gather his ever-pleasant attitude this soon after being awaken. He pushed past the partly open door, inviting himself in, which caused Ed to glower before having no other choice than shut the door behind him.

"Well?"

Mustang turned around, heavy boots thudding against the floorboards. "A rather interesting report has come into my possession this morning."

A golden brow was raised in question.

"The bookshop keeper mentioned that you had come in alone early afternoon yesterday but left with a "curious individual.""

Edward paled considerably.

The Colonel clasped his hands behind his back and paced the short length of the room. "You then proceeded to argue with the unnamed individual, which resulted in the transmutation of your arm," he nodded to the automail. "According to the sources, the fight was not serious but…" he crossed toward Ed, reaching out to brush long bangs from the left side of his face.

Fullmetal immediately broke out of that grasp, but the damage had been done, the light bruise upon his cheek had been seen.

"…but you had gone down easily." Mustang concluded, watching him severely. "Care to tell me what you were doing brawling on the street yesterday, Fullmetal?"

Ed glared, furious with himself for being reprimanded by the Colonel yet again. When he refused to say anything, or rather could not think of an appropriate excuse, the older man continued.

"Or perhaps you'd like to tell me what happened after you were carried off by the said individual."

Edward went from having paled to flushing to a bright crimson. He should have known this would make it to the Colonel's desk, but he never imagined it would have done so this quickly and this detailed. He lowered his gaze, gritting his teeth.

"I allow you to come and go roaming all over the world in search of your stone, but I do not like secrets, Fullmetal."

"Is that a threat?"

"No, it's simply a reminder. Whatever happened yesterday, I do hope you take care of it quickly. I don't want to see any more of these reports showing up on my desk."

"I…"

Mustang held up a gloved hand. "Not only are you hurting yourself with reckless actions, you also defy my credibility. Your freedom is already big talk in the ranks, don't screw it up."

Ed blinked, stunned into silence. He had expected a reprimand, some sort of demand for an explanation, but this was neither of the two. The Colonel was actually looking out for him, in his own way. A crooked grin spread over his lips. "Don't worry so much, Colonel."

"With you, it's impossible not to." Mustang returned dryly and stepped toward the door, pausing momentarily beside him.

Edward cursed, forced to look up even more so than usual with the absence of his boots.

"Take care of yourself, Edward."

A blink. He watched the Colonel walk away.

"And see that you grow a few more centimeters."

Edward glared, fuming furiously. "Who the hell are you calling a bean?!!" He raged, even as Mustang slipped out, chuckling softly to himself. He was left alone, panting furiously to the dead silence of the room.

Once he composed himself, he reflected what had just happened. It had become dangerous. He was surveyed to the very last action anywhere he went, but within Central it was ridiculous. Sometimes fame turned his life much more difficult than it had to be. Edward cursed silently. This would not go on, these moments of weakness and temptation. And yet…deep within him, he knew that he would go back. What had began as something unruly and completely despicable had become nothing other than his own filthy little secret.

* * *

Ooo long chapter, written very quickly. That should make a few people happy. XD I hope this chapter's organization wasn't too confusing with all the flashbacks. 


	4. Small Victory

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: Spoilers are finally sneaking their way in here, but still nothing serious. Skyler K. Daemon had mentioned in their review that a chapter from Envy's point of view would be an interesting thing to see. Well, here you go! I am to please. XD Oh, beware the smut.

**Namida  
**- chapter 4 -  
_Small Victory_

It was nothing other than suspicious looks and curious questions that Envy returned to; grinning widely, with a light bounce in that already airy gait. Being the oldest, he had never been overly questioned as to his whereabouts and personal gains – as long as it had no interference with their ultimate goal.

"You're playing with fire." It was Lust that scrutinized him, commenting quietly.

He blinked, almost innocently as it were, meeting her crimson-tainted gaze. "And not even a light burn."

"Yet," she turned to face the window, gazing outside as dusk gradually wrapped around the city.

"Tst," Envy dismissed it with a wave of a hand and a mild shake of his head.

"Make it worthwhile and lead him toward the Philosopher's Stone while you're at it, at least."

Envy chuckled quietly. "You were never this impatient, Lust."

She glimpsed over her bare shoulder to look at him. "And you were never this careless."

He blinked; brows furrowed and a scowl touched his lips. With an incomprehensible mumble, he stalked off, bare feet stomping quietly against the cold floor. So much for the good mood that had lasted him the week: from the first point of seduction to the previous evening's conquest. The thought itself was enough to bring a smirk to his lips as he stalked off.

If there was something he was not, it was careless. Reckless sometimes perhaps, but not careless. Especially not when so much was at risk, not only for himself but the others as well. Although by this point, his desire was not so much to gain the humanity that he had been cheated out of, but to gain the revenge that had only grown more intense within him as time went by. His new little toy did not make matters any better…and yet, something drew him to the vertically challenged alchemist – other than selfish gain. The resemblance between the two was something he had learned to deal with, however. If it had not been for Edward being their only way out of their misery, he would have killed the young alchemist long ago. And now, getting so close, the temptation was there, whispering softly into his ear. To hurt him; to make him feel as much pain as he had felt himself…and yet.

And yet, that pain was something Ed was all too familiar with.

Envy hopped up, perching on the windowsill, looking down from the top floor of the worn building at the streets beneath. Dusk had fallen by then; the moon greeted him with its silvery light. He frowned at the thoughts that dared cut through his mind. Contemplating upon such things was the last thing he needed to be doing at the present moment. He perched there for a few moments, sulking in silently.

Just as he thought of entertaining himself by creating some havoc in the city, the bluish-toned suit of metal a couple of blocks down caught his attention. Eyes narrowed. Curiosity has easily grasped the best of him, but it was something other than curiosity alone that pushed him to leap from the window with a graceful leap. He landed easily on the cold ground as his form easily morphed into just another Central citizen. Envy navigated swiftly through the near-deserted streets. His eyes caught sight of Alphonse's large metallic form, walking away from the military Headquarters, and grinned. The chibi was alone now, then.

It was far too easy to walk into the grounds once he had given himself the proper outfit. Envy wandered down the quiet hall, glimpsing to and fro absently while attempting to play the part as if he knew where he was going. He cursed inwardly, wishing he had just opted to use the window like last time. Thankfully the military was kind enough to post directional signs on the cream-painted walls. Properly informed, he headed up the stairs, whistling quietly to himself.

He paused in front of Fullmetal's door and hesitated before knocking. Grinning deviously to himself, he knocked only after a faint glow hit the doorway. A now white-gloved hand knocked firmly upon the dull brown door.

"What did you forget this time, Al?" He heard Ed's voice filter from inside the room; shuffling footsteps brought him closer. The door was pulled open to reveal a surprised, half-dressed young alchemist, who blinked before finding his voice. "Colonel…"

Years of practice allowed Envy to keep the Colonel's firm expression as he pushed past the open door, inviting himself within the dimly lit room.

"Wha…" Ed began; then glared. "You don't just stroll in here whenever you pleas-"

Envy turned to look at him over a uniform-clad shoulder, which caused Ed to swallow up his words, but the glare remained, however. Interesting. More interesting was the sight before him. Fullmetal was young, but obviously took care of that strong body and it showed. Dark eyes – Roy's eyes – danced over the exposed flesh of Ed's upper body. A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. When he glimpsed back at those golden eyes, they were narrowed, brows furrowed but there was a gradually reddening glow upon his cheeks. He watched Ed shift his weight uncomfortably and was unable to contain a small grin.

He sauntered forward, effectively trapping the younger man against the door that was forcefully shut with the added weight.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Shh, Fullmetal…" Envy purred, leaning down so that their lips nearly touched. He could feel the soft gasps of air against his own with each rapid rise and fall of Edward's chest. He ran a finger down his cheek, watching the faint red marks the flint weaved into the fabric of the glove left behind.

Ed squirmed against him, flattening against the door. Cold fingers pressed to his chest, attempting to push him away, but either shock or pleasure kept him from exerting the strength to complete the action. Seeing this as his opportunity, Envy closed in that minimal gap between their lips to claim from him a hungry, dominant kiss.

There was an added thrill with this; a lingering question – did the beanie actually dream of this moment of locking lips with the Colonel? Mustang's reputation was no secret to anyone, and he could see the attraction. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, however, he felt the cold metal of the automail blade press to his throat.

"Envy…" Ed scowled.

His farce had been found. The façade was dropped with a glow that returned him to his pretty self. Envy grinned, winking playfully. Ed, however, did not seem to have enjoyed the joke. My, he looked delish when he was angry… the kiss-swollen lips were an added attraction, he noted. "How did you know?"

The blade retracted into the automail as his arm was lowered. Edward looked away, attempting to hide the flustered look the simple question had caused. Envy followed, glimpsing over his shoulder.

"Well?"

Fullmetal twitched. "You shouldn't be here," he told him through gritted teeth.

"I'm hurt, chibi-san"

"I told you not to call me that!" he growled, whirling around with a well aimed punch that was far too easily dodged. Envy quickly side stepped, grabbing his right arm which was promptly twisted behind his back. Ed flinched.

"Now, now, chibi-san" he purred into his ear, nuzzling his neck.

"Lemme go!"

Envy grinned deviously, winding his free hand around the younger man's body. Fingers slowly slid down those toned abs, pausing only as he reached the heavy leather belt as his waist. He felt him tense up. "How did you know it was me and not your beloved Colonel?" he insisted, flicking the buckle undone. Edward released a shaky breath.

"He's not my beloved."

"That still doesn't answer the question…" Fingers released the metal buckle, which caused the leather to part and slide down to the floor with a thud.

"Stop it."

"Tell me, then…" fingers pushed lower still.

"You…" a gasp.

"I…what?" The button was yanked open.

Ed twitched, fighting against the stronger grip that held him pinned. "It was your kiss." He mumbled quickly in a jumble of words. But it was enough to be understood.

Envy blinked…taken back momentarily by the statement. He released the hold on the automail, but not on him. That arm, now free wound around Ed's bare abdomen, trapping him there as the zipper of the black pants was smoothly undone. He felt him shudder lightly against his body, felt the whisking of silky hairs against his shoulder as Ed leaned it back, eyes shut, parted lips releasing soft breaths. It had always amazed him just how utterly responsive he was.

Slow steps were taken forward. He turned Ed around and slammed him against the desk. Books fell off the edge. The candle wavered, but held. He was thoughtful to move it for safety purposes before advancing on Ed once more. Those heavy boots were tugged from his feet, followed by the surprisingly soft leather of his pants. Black-painted nails slid up his left thigh, knowing just how sensitive the flesh that touched the cold metal was. As expected, Ed shuddered, fingers tightening over the edge of the wooden desk. Envy leaned forward, graceful body leaning over Ed's smaller one. He claimed those lips once more, grasping his chin between two fingers, even though he was offered no resistance. If anything, Ed had become more willing than he would have ever imagined. He would probably angst about it later, but for now it was a small victory.

He felt the legs wrap around his waist, pulling him closer and out of balance. An arm was held out, palm slamming to the wall in order to keep himself stable and not bring them both down. Ed whimpered against his lips, tugging desperately at the mid-drift that stood in his way. The kiss was broken, the shirt removed and tossed carelessly aside. Envy shuddered at the feel of those wandering fingers and lips that brushed over newly bared flesh of his neck.

"No…" Edward whispered with a soft gasp of air into his ear. "…the bed…"

Envy blinked, but said nothing. The young alchemist was easily scooped in his arms and carried the couple of meters distance toward the single bed, promptly setting him down upon the haphazardly tossed sheets. Fingers grasped at him almost immediately; one hand winding around his neck, the other pulling the headband from his forehead only to toss it aside. Long strands fell into his gaze as a result. He shook his head in attempt to push them from his eyes with little avail. Ed did not seem to want to wait, however and pulled him down forcefully.

Someone was eager.

"Don't you dare…" Fullmetal gasped, glaring at him. Envy flashed him a puzzled look, and then realized what he had done: instinctively activated whatever power enabled him to change form in order to rid himself of the remaining clothes that were still attached to his body. The chibi had felt it, seen the faint glow it always casts, no doubt, and did not like it; did not like the reminder of what and who he was. Of what was happening, despite the passion and fervor.

His body shifted as Ed tugged at the remaining two articles to his satisfaction. Trivial details did not matter now, after all. The poor excuse for a skort was kicked aside and thus forgotten for the time being. Edward went through the trouble of tugging his gloves from his hands, while those lustful golden eyes watched him, lips dancing over his digits, tongue snaking out to tease and taunt with things left unsaid but easily pictured.

Envy grit his teeth, head bowing as he wandered southward, leaving a trail of angry little bites down his chest, to which single one Ed had whimpered pleasantly at, wrapping his fingers into the sheets beneath them. He not only whimpered but cried out shortly as proper attention was paid to this throbbing arousal with a flick of that expert tongue.

"Shh-" Envy warned him before giving him one last taunting lick and sliding back up the length of his body. With Edward perfectly at his mercy, he grinned. Perhaps due to the fact that he was simply in a good mood, he held off on his own need to take the extra couple of minutes to prepare the frantically twitching young alchemist. It had been worth the wait, he noted as he gasped harshly over the blonde's shivering body, seated deeply within that burning heat.

It was not before long that beads of sweat dampened the back of his neck, caught the long strands that became stuck to his upper back. However, it was over far too quickly with the strangled cry that escaped his lover's throat. That lack of control was enough to topple him over the edge. White exploded behind those violet eyes, senses numbing pleasantly for a few moments as he sunk down against Ed's body, feeling the hot evidence of their deviance against his skin. How pleasant, he thought dryly. Normally he would have been more concerned to gain those sharp senses quickly, but the haze was too pleasant to deny himself that feeling now. Besides, Fullmetal was not going anywhere just yet.

Or at least he had thought before that metal hand pushed gently at him. Grumbling incoherently, Envy rolled off to lie beside him, body lethargic.

Moments passed in silence. The feeling of afterglow wore off, much to his disappointment. Edward had still not said a word, nor moved from his position, other than to tug a sheet over himself, finding his modesty after all. He had begun to think that the time to be kicked out the door was coming, when golden eyes were turned on him.

Envy blinked, watching him curiously from behind the loose strands that fell messily into his face without the help of the headband to keep them away.

"Your eyes…"

Another blink. A dark, slender brow was raised. He watched as metal fingers reached out, pulling those strands from his face.

"The pupils…they're slitted, why?"

He had expected anything, but certainly not this. The mattress shifted beneath him as he sat up, feeling cold metal trail down his back as a result. "Don't ask stupid questions, it doesn't suit you."

"What…I-"

Envy glanced at him over his shoulder, which drove whatever statement from his bruised lips.

"Oh…" was the only thing out of those kissable lips. Ed looked aside with a frown.

The mattress shifted again as Envy rose. But before he was able to get far enough to gather his discarded clothes, hands closed around his wrist, holding him in place. He paused, glimpsing down once more, though the previous harshness had melted away to slight curiosity.

"I'm sorry…"

"I don't need your sympathy!" He hissed.

Ed's frown only deepened; his head bowed.

What was this? What was this attempt to actually comfort him? He had been the one so intent on forgetting who he was to now offers him pity. He wanted to hate him at that moment, but found it impossible as eyes caught sight of his smaller body, rising unsurely, no doubt due to the pain he still suffered. He watched how those strands of blonde that had come loose from a very messy braid sprawled against his back. The look in those eyes, partly glazed with the pleasure just experienced but also sincere in his words.

Envy opened his mouth to speak but paused, eyes diverting toward the door.

"What is it?"

He touched a finger to the younger man's lips, silencing him. After a moment, he chuckled quietly. "Your brother's coming…"

Ed's eyes could not have gotten wider. Seemingly he'd forgotten all about his younger sibling during this time.

Clothes were gathered, but he had not bothered to slip them on, as he merely modified his form accordingly. He padded toward the window. "I suggest you get dressed…" was all he said before hoping up, perching on the window sill for a brief moment to see Ed snatch his clothes off the floor, only to dive back under the covers and pretend to be asleep. Just as the door was pushed open, he jumped down, disappearing from sight.

-------------------------------------------------------------  
Phew. Envy's POV is much harder to write than Ed's for some reason. But the thoughts that go through his mind at times are simply priceless. XD Hopefully I did him justice. Had fun writing it, at least. Will have to consider repeating the experience later on.


	5. Possession

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: This is the official chapter of ultimate procrastination. XD Final exams are a bitch, I tell you. It has also taken me longer to write due to several deadlines and cosplay projects. O.o; But here you are, at last. Enjoy! Oh…Envy's POV once more. I like the crazy bastard far too much. Beware the smut, as usual.

* * *

**Namida  
**- chapter 5 -  
_Possession_

He relished in the gasp resulting from a mix of surprise and pain that escaped Fullmetal's parted lips. The fence was certainly not the most comfortable surface, but Envy had little pity for the possible bruises that could mar Ed's already scarred back.

"You're leaving Central?" he demanded of the younger ma, who settled for glaring indignantly at him. It was a nice glare, he had to admit, and it made the beanie look older – feisty. He liked feisty.

"Can't you just disappear?"

"'Fraid not, chibi-san." He grinned, knowing how much Ed despised the name that had, by now, become more of a habit than a true insult. As expected, the 'insult' received a glare, but for once there were no spazzing vocal complaints. The chibi was learning that such complaints and exaggerated demands hardly worked. If anything, it only encouraged him on.

"Let me go."

"Not until you tell me where you're going."

"Why?! So that you people can follow along and try to use me to further your own ends?!" Edward snapped angrily. "I am not your pawn!"

Envy blinked, taken back by the sudden outburst. Wasn't the boy a suspicious little thing now? He easily summoned a sardonic smile, shrugging half-bare shoulders as he took a step back away from the previously pinned young alchemist. "Lacking trust, aren't you, chibi-san?"

"I have no reason to trust you."

"So I'm good to fuck but not to trust, I see?"

Ed flushed and forcefully looked away so that he did not have to peer into those unnaturally slitted violet eyes that stared down at him intensively.

Envy snickered, reaching out. Fingers grasped Ed's chin, forcing that gaze to him once more. He leaned closer, lips hovering a mere few centimeters apart. "Is that it, beanie? I'm as good as any other pitiful little human as long as I'm fucking you, but once all is said and done, I'm just your worst freakish nightmare."

When Ed did not respond, he shook him roughly. "Is that it?" he snarled. Envy watched the turmoil inflicted by his sharp words dance in the boy's wide golden gaze. There was a sick satisfaction in it; to see that he had jarred him with harsh words Ed would clearly understand. However, when Fullmetal glanced up to him, swallowing the lump in his throat, Envy blinked. The vertically challenged famous alchemist stepped forward, boots thudding lightly against the cold ground. He did not even pause once before brushing right past him, leaving Envy staring after him.

Eyes narrowed as he watched the swaying of that bright red coat, the tight gloved fingers at his sides as Ed stalked away without a final word. Unusual, unexpected and had gotten him absolutely no where. Envy scowled, slamming a fist through the fence, causing the nearby gate to which it was attached to swing off its hinges and crumble to the ground.

It would have been easier to simply follow the brothers to their next destination, but he was not sure what had bothered him the most: the fact that the sudden decision to leave Central had not been lead on by them with another 'helpful' information regarding the Philosopher's Stone, or the possibility that such a decision had been made in order to get away from him. Not that it was truly surprising, but nevertheless insulting. Not that he had been expecting a sickeningly loving relationship with flowers and gifts. This was as casual and dirty as it got, but it did not undermine the fact that he still felt cheated. Like a child having just been deprived their newest, favorite toy…

"One night!" He shouted after him, which caused Ed to pause in his footsteps.

"What was that?" the Fullmetal chibi demanded quietly, glimpsing over his shoulder.

"Give me one night," he responded, stalking forward, arms swinging at his sides, hands balled into tight fists.

"I don't have to give you anything," Ed growled. Golden brows furrowed beneath matching whisking bangs. He held his ground even as Envy snatched his chin between cool fingers; black finger nails digging into his flesh.

"You owe me."

"What!!" But Ed was silenced with a finger that pressed to those kissable lips.

"Give me one night and I'll let you go on your little hunt in peace." Envy whispered, syllables purring lightly as he leaned over the short alchemist.

Edward glared indignantly.

"Well?"

"Fine," Fullmetal muttered after a few moments, forcing himself to look aside since that grasp was far too tight to let him turn away.

Envy grinned and patted his head. "That's better." The gesture only earned him another glare. One that he dismissed by stealing a kiss before releasing the disgruntled chibi. "I'll be waiting." He winked and leaped up, grasping the edge of the lowest roofline and pulled himself up, leaving Ed behind to contemplate what had just happened.

- - - -

There was no telling if Ed would actually come. If such was the case, it gave Envy a reason to stalk – that was such an ugly word – follow the brothers to their next destination once more. Well, he already planned on doing so, but it would only further his excuse.

Envy perched on the windowsill, leaning back into the frame. He yawned absently and sunk down, letting one nearly-bare leg hang off the ledge. Maybe he should go pay the chibi a visit…drag him back kicking and screaming. The mental image was actually amusing enough that he released a quiet chuckle.

Dusk had fallen hours ago. He had wandered back inside, sprawled himself over the couch, glaring at the cracking ceiling above. "That little bastard." He muttered, throwing a small knife at the door.

Four others had already perforated the wooden surface. Just as the knife cut into the wood, a hesitant knock sounded from the other side. Violet eyes narrowed on the tortured door. Envy stood with a cat's grace and speed. Feet shuffled against the floor as he stalked toward the door, yanking it open without bothering to remove the knives.

"Have you no concept of time?!" Envy snarled even as the door was pulled open. However, the next segment of words was silenced at his throat as he caught sight of Ed outside the door. Maybe the wait had not been so bad, after all…

Fullmetal stood there, glaring up at him, challenging him to spit out any more complaints. He stood there in nothing other than his usual leather pants and the black tank-top that was usually hidden beneath two layers of clothing. Those had been left behind. As he swept his gaze over that black-clad figure, enhanced by the shimmer of the automail and the still damp blonde strands that had just tied back in a pony tail at the back of his head, Envy realized that all those extra layers hid such a glorious sight.

"Are you just going to stand there gawking, or will you let me in?"

A dark brow was raised, vanishing beneath the black material of his headband. Wasn't someone moody tonight. Envy stepped aside, letting him inside before shutting the door. As it slammed against the frame, one of the knives tumbled to the cold ground, causing Ed to glimpse back. Golden eyes narrowed at the accumulation of silverware.

"I got bored," explained Envy.

"I can see."

Moody and distant, he noted. He reached out, stealing the red hair-tie that kept those long blonde strands in a pony tail. A few cold water droplets clung to his fingers as he tugged the tie away, watching the golden mane fall down Ed's shoulders. The chibi, however, did not seem to like the idea.

"What was that for?"

"I like your hair down."

"Well, I don't, it'll get all mess-"

"That's the idea," Envy purred, tugging him closer. Too much time had already been wasted waiting, as it was. He put an end to it with a forceful kiss, which Edward hesitantly returned, at first.

"Just so you know, you're still a bastard," Ed mumbled against his lips.

"Shut up," he finalized it, tugging the black tank-top over the beanie's head. It was flung carelessly aside and the kiss resumed with ardent passion. The trajectory toward the couch was taken with a few stumbles that finally landed Ed on the worn dark gray cushions, Envy promptly sliding gracefully onto his lap.

Perhaps Ed's somewhat gloomy mood was an advantage, he idly thought, feeling the sliding of cold metal and warm flesh as the younger blonde clawed up his back, tugging at the tight black material of his shirt that clung tightly to him. He leaned back, raising his arms as Ed pulled at the mid-drift turtleneck, dropping it aside over the edge of the couch. A soft gasp escaped his throat as Ed surprised him with rough kisses that were pressed to his neck – nipping at the sensitive flesh with a sudden possessiveness.

He wasn't sure what he liked the most: Ed fighting for dominance or fighting against him in general. Either was enough to make something low in his gut tighten with excitement.

He tangled his fingers into long mildly damp blonde strands, tugging ever slightly. It was enough to earn him a scowl once golden eyes were upturned toward him.

"What do you think you're doing?" Edward hissed.

"You're more eager than usual, chibi-san." Envy observed with a purr. In the mood Ed was in, however, he immediately felt the cold metal of automail wrap around his arousal, causing him to sharply intake a breath. He shuddered pleasantly, but did not consent. His free hand reached down, tugging the loose black skirt free from his waist before roughly yanking at his lover's heavy belt.

Behind them clouds rumbled softly outside the window; the first droplets of rain beating against the glass.

Envy was shoved back as Edward maneuvered gracefully – astonishing with the weight of that automail – throwing him on his back against the length of the couch. Fullmetal immediately crawled over him, fingers slipping beneath the band of the black shorts, tugging them down as lips taunted the pasty white toned flesh on the inside his knee. The young man had already proven himself skilled on more than one occasions, so as the black fabric descended and those lips ascended, Envy watched him attentively, slitted violet eyes shimmering with anticipation.

The first sound of thunder cracked as the homunculus threw his head back, deep emerald tinted strands spilling over the side of the dark gray couch. Eyes drifted shut, lips parted slightly as a soft breath was ripped from his throat at shuddering intervals.

But instead of being rewarded with that moment of pleasure, he felt a sudden chill as Ed sat up, looking down at him smugly, those whorish lips formed in a devious grin. Envy stared at him – the defiant bastard – with an air of disbelief.

"That's for this morning," the alchemist explained, all the while licking his lips.

Envy nearly convulsed at the sight and forced his eyes shut, swallowing dryly.

A burst of lightening illuminated the room momentarily.

It all happened too quickly: the shifting of entangled bodies, the crackling and extending of automail, the thud of a body hitting the couch, the gasp and wince, the drooping line of shed blood contrasting gracefully against a pale chest.

Envy froze as he was, leaning over Ed's smaller body with the extended blade of the automail pressing to his throat where the slightest cut had broken into that otherwise flawless flesh. Violet eyes narrowed; the muscles of his arms twitched from the position of holding himself up. He glimpsed down, away from those wide golden eyes and to the line of deep red that slid down his chest. It had begun to drip slowly onto Ed's own tanned abdomen. Not as much of a contrast there.

Paying the automail blade no mind, he slid his fingers down Ed's chest, idly smearing the faint droplets. He could tell that intense golden gaze was fixed on him; the blade against his throat wavered slightly, hesitantly and he glimpsed up, bringing those blood-smeared fingers to his lips. Envy delighted in the soft breath that escaped Ed's lips as he licked his fingertips slowly, tauntingly. He pushed away from that blade that moments later only retracted back to its proper shape. Fingers touched the shallow cut, coming away read. When he leaned closer once more, lips hovered over the beanie's own. Fingers pressed to his chest, messily smearing the deep red into his flesh. He would not give Ed a moment to look at what he had artfully painted on however as his lips demanded attention, as did the throbbing heat between his legs.

It took little further struggle to convince Edward to cooperate. Fingers had tangled into drying blonde strands as he forced the younger man to lie on his stomach beneath him, propping himself up on the couch's armrest. He could see muscles twitching beneath faintly tanned skin and relished in the knowledge that he was the cause of such shivers. Lips slid up Ed's spine until he came in contact with the cold metal of the automail. Envy heard the other intake a sharp breath and hold it, fingers tightening around the armrest.

As much as he would have loved to draw it out to the point that the Fullmetal chibi would be begging him to hurry the hell up and get to the point, Envy took mercy this time. For his own good as well. Besides, he had all night to taunt and tease…

With a devious grin that spread over his lips, still hovering over Ed's upper back, he fit against his body tightly, taking his time, despite the chibi's mumbled and whimpered protests.

"Stop…teas-.." Ed began between harsh gasps, breaking off as the beginnings of a scream were ripped from his throat before he was able to stifle and silence it.

Grinning smugly, Envy said nothing, moving against him. Lips met the back of his neck; a nip taken harder than necessary was enough to mark his…property. Any protest to the sudden jab of pain Ed might have felt was hushed by a whimper of pleasure that spilled from his lips.

Two hours later, the rain still poured outside, beating harshly against the glass panes of the windows. Two bodies lied still among rumpled black sheets, silhouetted by shadows cast by the faint light of the moon and the succession of lightening outside the window. Silence reigned with the exception of soft breathing escaping half parted lips; the whispering of skin against the sheets, the soft whirring of automail.

Ed groaned softly, turning stiffly onto his side, tucking his left arm beneath his head. Golden lashes touched his cheeks as he exhaled. The movement had also alerted him to the dull pain at the back of his neck, Envy noted as the blonde reached back, touching the angry bruise that there lay. Edward flinched as digits pressed into the dark mark.

"What did you do?" His voice was low, barely above a whisper. His throat no doubt sore.

Envy smirked, sliding toward him. "Perhaps I got a bit carried away…"

"Carried away?" The voice did rise, then. Ed rolled onto his back, glaring up at him. The look did not carry the same ferociousness, however, with the still wanton expression that lingered upon the young alchemist's face.

"Jus' a bit…" he teased, sliding kiss-bruised lips along his lover's jaw line upward toward his ear. "You're mine now…" Envy whispered, fingers sliding over the blood-red mark he had painted onto Ed's chest earlier that night.

Only then was Fullmetal's attention brought to the messily drawn wings…the rounded all-too-familiar symbol of the ouroboros upon his chest. "You bastard-" he hissed, but Envy silenced him with a cool digit to his lips. Violet eyes met golden and the mirth was all too easily seen.

"Don't be so scared, o-chibi-san,"

"I'm not-!" Ed protested.

The homunculus paid him to mind, however. "I can't do any of your little tricks."

"They're not tricks!" the alchemist returned indignantly, only to be ignored once more.

"You're mine," he repeated in a whisper, taking Ed's chin between two fingers; the black of his nails contrasting against the mildly flushed skin. "All mine…"

Edward was quiet for a few moments. "And what do I get in return?"

"What?" Envy leaned up a bit to look at him, a brow raised.

"Equivalent exchange. You can't claim me without giving something in return."

It took some effort for him not to laugh. Such foolish, naïve little rules. Little did he know, but…Envy supposed he could play the game a little longer. In fact, he could turn the tables and make he game his own. "What are you saying, chibi-san?" He grinned. "Are you admitting that you want me in exchange?"

Golden eyes widened; a deep crimson flush spread over his cheeks. "I-…that is not what I said!!"

"You haven't said anything, actually, but demand an exchange." Envy reminded him playfully, gracefully sitting up. As he did so, the sheets slid down his pale body, falling haphazardly around his waist. Modest was something he was not.

Ed grumbled and looked aside, brows furrowing. He had just dug himself a very deep hole.

"So what will it be, chibi-san?"

"Stop calling me that," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Envy leaned over him, making all efforts to slide that gloriously bare flesh against his lover's body. He felt Ed shiver and grinned. Fingers slid forward over his toned abdomen, taunting him. "What would be a proper exchange?"

"S-stop that…" Ed breathed, pressing his eyes shut. Fingers tightened around the sheets.

"Hm…? Admit it…"

"I have nothing to admit."

"Don't lie to me," gradually his body slid over Ed's own, knees falling to either side of his waist, effectively straddling him. Digits lightly clasped his chin, forcing their gazes to meet once more. "Admit it."

He watched as Ed looked at him, and immediately tried to shift his gaze elsewhere. The color was still present upon those cheeks, he noted as lightning illuminated the room. "You want this…" Envy whispered, lips hovering just a few centimeters above Ed's tightly pursed mouth. "You won't admit it to yourself, so you won't admit it out loud…but you want this."

When there was no reply, Envy went on. "You came here tonight out of your own free will. You could have left Central tonight, but instead you're here. You probably told your brother you'd be at the library, am I right?"

Eyes widened ever slightly. Ed bit his bottom lip, but said nothing.

A faint smile. "Just so that you could come here…"

Silence reigned between them. Thunder struck, farther away from the city now that the storm had mostly passed.

"You'll admit it someday…" Envy concluded, pressing a kiss to those lips. He could taste the cool salty drop of a tear that had rolled down the sixteen year-old's cheek.

No comment was made and in hushed silence, lips brushed the corner of a closed eye, stopping a second droplet before it fell.

* * *

T.T Finally done! Next chapter will be done from Ed's POV, so the angst will be back. XD The smut is gonna decrease in the next couple of chapters, too, I think. I'm horrible at keeping to plans, so don't take my word for it. 'Till then…lemme know what you think! 


	6. Jaded

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: I've finally started to set the story into the series' timeline. Hopefully there won't be too many horrible spoilers for any of you who haven't seen all of it. I won't go into plot, but things need to be mentioned because of what I want to have happen at the end. This is starting to get a bit heavier on the angst, and like I said, a decrease in smut. But I'll sneak it back in, trust me. XD And thank you guys for all the wonderful comments!!

* * *

**Namida  
**- chapter 6 -  
_Jaded_

He had never expected him to keep the promise. He had especially never expected him to keep it for so long. Once upon a time Ed would have taken the silence as a blessing, but after having constant encounters during his time in Central, months of silence had become more uncomfortable than the presence of the homunculus he had always considered the enemy. Perhaps now more than ever he needed that distraction; while the train rolled by the country side and the military sought him fervently. Edward stood there, huddled in his long coat, staring at the railing from behind dark emerald-tinged strands, doing his best to ignore the derogatory comments made about his height – or lack there of. No one had questioned his choice of disguise; the color of the once golden strands. It had been the first thing that came to mind at that moment; a silent reminder of a mortal enemy.

"Don't be such an idiot!" he cursed under his breath, before darting toward the train's cargo compartment and salvage their cover before it was too late.

- - - -

It was with his mind spinning with information that Ed made his way away from Dante's large house through the dense expanse of woods that surrounded it. There were things that made no sense. Names, dates, faces all too familiar, and the anger he had always felt – only now it was multiplied and confused. Part of that confusion came out of the tightly wrapped box he held in his pocket – the dug up key to success. But it wasn't about the one called Sloth his mind drifted to; he knew there was no remnant of his mother in that created being. It was a mistake he had to put an end to, and nothing more. But what of the others..?

What of him…

"Aren't you the ray of sunshine today, o-chibi-san"

Edward practically tripped over his feet at the sound of that voice. For a moment actually convinced himself he was hearing things, however it was hard to ignore the pair of half naked legs dangling from a tree branch a few meters away. Golden eyes widened and he forgot all about a graceful landing. "Envy!" He gasped, seconds later hitting the mossy ground. Above him, the homunculus laughed heartedly. Just great.

A soft thud announced the bastard's descent. The black toenails extending toward long pale legs above him only confirmed the assumption. Grumbling quietly, Ed pushed himself back onto his feet. Metal digits immediately felt into his pocket, making sure the small relic had not fallen out. Relieved to find it there, he finally found it in himself to gaze up into those unnaturally colored eyes. He immediately cursed himself and hastily looked away. The mirth had been far too obvious in those eyes – even if that was the way Envy always looked at him, there was something more there now. Or maybe it had been too long…maybe he was giving himself away; the thoughts that had been lingering in his head; the thoughts that had come back night after night to haunt his dreams with a need he had never thought possible.

The thought itself caused him to flush, much to his misfortune. The moment he felt the heat rise in his cheeks, cool fingers pressed to his jaw, forcing him to look back into those violet eyes. Edward glared. "You're following me."

"Would you believe me if I said I was merely passing by?"

The young alchemist scoffed, but relaxed slightly against that cool grasp. "Like hell you are. What do you want?"

"Tst," those fingers slid away from his jaw, and for a moment Ed found himself regretting the loss of that touch. "And here I thought I had kept up my end of the bargain."

"You did…"

"And still I receive such a cold welcome."

"I have to go…" he finalized, pushing to move past Envy. He would not allow himself to be distracted now; to have his previous resolve shattered by that mocking voice and gaze…by the line of taut muscles beneath pallid flesh. He must have modified that body again, Edward noted silently.

He had taken but two steps before his wrist was grasped, forcing him to halt in his place. "Not so fast, chibi-san" Envy purred, immediately leaning over him with the ever-present grace of a cat. Arms slid around his abdomen from behind; lips brushing against his jawline. Edward stilled, making all efforts to contain himself by staring at the earthy path in front of him.

"What t'hell do you think you're doing?"

"You" the Sin purred into his ear and he could tell that the bastard was grinning.

Golden eyes widened. "Don't even think about!" He stuttered, pushing away from his graceful captor. He did not need this now, nor –here- of all places!

"Saa chibi-san, you haven't turned into a prune since I left you to run out of Central, now have you?" Ed watched as an elegant brow disappeared beneath the soft cloth of the homunculus' headband. He felt himself flush slightly and attempted his best indignant glare. However, any response was sealed in his throat as Envy crossed the small distance he had managed to force between them, to steal a kiss from his lips.

Edward was frozen by surprise…and the feel of those lips against his once more; hungry, ardent, possessive as always. In that moment, he could no longer deny himself that he had missed that sensation, the flutter that shot up his spine, and the chills that followed.

The tree trunk that slammed against his back brought him back to reality – nevertheless a hazy one. Lips were still glued to his own in such a way that he found it impossible to deny them participation; to deny that enquiring tongue free reign into the warm cavern of his mouth. Even as he cursed himself for it, digits trailed up his enemy's – was he? – toned biceps, sliding up to hook tightly behind his neck, beneath the soft mass of emerald-tinted strands.

It was always the same, however; the same feverish passion in their encounters, whether it was in or out of the figurative bed. They fought like they fucked: with the same drive, and that perhaps is what bothered him the most. It took some effort, but after sliding a hand taut against Envy's chest, Ed drew back, swallowing dryly. Those golden eyes, glazed with the withdrawal his body had felt over the past few months and had now been offered, peered up at him. Envy looked as he usually did…though no smirk touched those swollen lips now, no mocking expression of mirth, but…slight confusion.

"Why me?" Edward breathed.

"What?"

"Why me?" the young alchemist repeated.

"I heard you the first time." Envy hissed, the confusion leaving his once vulnerable expression as it was replaced by a more sinister and fitting look. "'The hell are you asking?"

Wasn't that the question of the year. Suddenly, Edward felt tired. Head bowed, he leaned heavily against the tree trunk, arms hanging loosely at his sides. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm giving you what you want," the Sin replied, smug as obvious; the grin returning to that pallid face.

"You're such a bad liar…" Edward whispered with a sigh. Thoughts flitted through his head, things he wanted to say, things he'd rather die before uttering out loud, especially to him. Things…things he decided were better left unsaid. With a deep exhale, he pushed himself away from the trunk once more and casting him Envy a short sideway's glance, head back down the path. "I have to go…"

"Now just wait a minute!" the growl called from behind him. He knew Envy would be angry. Envy was always angry for one reason or another. Unless he was sleeping…then he was vulnerable, even peaceful. He had found it hard to believe at first, but the night that had paid for his peace had given him a closer glimpse at the mythical abomination he was taking to bed. He was no such thing; not when the last rays of moonlight had been cast upon his sleeping figure, bare of all marks of imperfection; bare of all marks of his nature, safe for the ouroboros branded upon his thigh…and the red brands on his back. He had not yet figured out their significance, nor had it mattered that night. Maybe that was why he had left in such a hurry the following morning. Everything is much easier during the night when it's all quiet and there is no one to question your thoughts. That morning was different. Just like now was different. And still Edward paused, glimpsing over his shoulder.

"Don't…" he said quietly as he watched the other approach at the usual stormy pace. The softness of his tone was enough to get a positive response from the homunculus, which paused within arms length. "I have to go…" was all he said before forcing himself to look away.

It wasn't until he had taken a few steps that the young alchemist broke into a run; tears stinging his eyes as he dashed down the poorly traveled path. He did not need this now. He did not need to be distracted by things he could make absolutely no sense out of. He definitely did not need contradicting feelings in the battle he was about to wage.

- - - -

If the walk out of the damned forest hadn't haunted him enough, the sight of watching the last moments of the created being that had once been his mother was forever burned into his mind. He had prepared himself for the fight, but never planned on having to watch her disappear like that – the object of his sins, of his mistake… she looked so human, so real in those lingering moments of death that Ed wanted to look away – run away from it, even just so that he did not have to relieve the scene time and time again in his mind. She was not supposed to have remembered the life they once shared… such memories were only supposed to exist in his mind, and his brother's; not in the faux being they had created.

In that moment, Ed wanted nothing more than give up his endless pursuit and constant fight just so that he could seclude himself away somewhere. Away from the voices and faces that haunted his dreams every night. However, he new such wishes were childish; such peace was not meant for him. Not yet, at least. They had not come this far to give up, now.

All internal dialogue ended abruptly with Winry's appearance, peeking behind the large doorway that separated the warehouse from the sunlit trees. The young alchemist stepped forward, brows furrowing. The façade was far too easy to see through.

"Stop messing around!!" He snarled with a wave of a hand. He'd rather slam that hand squarely into his androgynous tormentor's face. The bastard had been there all along, doing absolutely nothing to stop him from killing one of his teammates – if she could be called such a thing. He'd enjoyed the freaking show without a word or intervention. The thought sickened him.

The sparks of alchemy, joined by that sultry chuckle drew him from his internal monologue once more. But it had been enough of a distraction, he noted, eyes widening. Envy had already claimed his younger brother, holding the large suit of armor upon his shoulder as if it were a small puppy. In those nights spent frolicking among the sheets, it was easy to forget that strength… all that was unnatural about Envy.

"Al!!" he called out, panic surging through him at once. He willed his body to move forward, but only came clashing into the smaller figure that had adeptly been named Wrath. He caught the child easily, but those eyes still focused on that devilish face; on those violet eyes that taunted him even during the waking hours. Ed silently begged him not to do this, knowing quite well that his efforts were in vain. After all, he was nothing but a puppet to them, despite having been sharing a bed. It was nothing more than a casual fuck.

Still…it wasn't how it was supposed to work.

"Envy!!" He screamed, trying to move forward, but Wrath would not allow it. That now-scared body barred his path; those eyes swore murder upon his head for having deprived him of the only mother figure the kid had ever known.

- - - -

There had been positively no reason for taking such harsh actions. He had always enjoyed a bit of drama, however. It had been hard to control himself after having been denied the one thing he had craved for over three months. Envy had not planned on scoring the newly created philosopher's stone as well as the most wonderful bait he could have ever captured, all in one shot. It was an added bonus that surely made up for the disappointing events earlier that afternoon.

Grinning widely, he stomped along, gracefully as only he could, away from the warehouse. Wrath was gradually becoming a problem – obsessed as he was with a mother that was not even his. Envy chuckled. If only he knew. But it did not matter to him. His agenda was his own, despite what that 'person' desired.

Nevertheless he could not help but sulk over Ed's behavior earlier on. Denied…completely denied. He had been certain that the pintsized alchemist had already been lured and weaved into his grasp. The night he had convinced him to remain 'till morning had been the finishing touch. Perhaps the months of separation had done more harm than good. Envy scowled, kicking a small pebble out of the bath as he shifted the large armor upon his bare shoulder. That was what he got for doing such a damn wonderful job at keeping his end of the deal. He cursed under his breath.

It was not until that moment that he realized that the younger Elric brother had been struggling against his hold and demanding answers of him. The homunculus shifted his violet visage toward the massively outdated chunk of metal, a dark brow disappearing under the cloth of his headband. A true blank expression touched that effeminate face momentarily before his signature grin crept over his lips.

"Don't worry, the chibi will come for you sooner or later," he chuckled quietly. "Just like he is supposed to…" the chuckle turned to a snicker. Sometimes he was able to amuse himself far too easily. But how could he not after seeing the widening glow that emitted from the darkness of the armor? The thought of the bean sized dog of the military running to the rescue as hot headed as ever, with no knowledge of what awaited him?

Soon everything would go right. After centuries of waiting, this would finally work… they had the stone and he would have the little alchemist. Call it… a step short of ultimate revenge: something sweeter than the death of Hohenheim could ever give him.

Yes…possession would be a far greater prize.

* * *

Finally! Sorry this took so long to write. It seems that the plot bunnies don't like it when I'm on break from school. Ironically enough. -.- But here it is and I must say that the latter half was written in 'bout 45 minutes while munching on Swedish Fish and listening to Aerosmith. Oo; Don't know how that equates either. XD There's a few more parts before the ficcie really ends, so stay tuned for that. 


	7. Awakening

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: See, the plot bunnies hit me when I'm in school. Strange creatures. Started writing it on Jan 25th during class. XD The key food that fueled it was Swedish fish. The smut is back, by the way, so those of you that missed it can rejoice now.

* * *

**Namida  
**- chapter 7 -  
_Awakening_

He could not help but wonder just where things had begun to go wrong. Not then until the previous night, the only other contact he had had with Envy had been the one long night he had given himself over as promised. And then… silence. Edward still remembered that night as if it had only been days – no, hours ago. He remembered how thunder clashed outside the window, giving the room a further haunted look than it already had. From the moment he had stomped through the doorway, meeting the assorted amount of daggers on the door and caught sight of the beaten up walls, Ed knew that there was more to the homunculus than what his name revealed. The violence he had seen directed at himself during previous fights had been nothing compared to the destruction those walls had seen.

Despite the haunting glow that blanketed over the small bedroom, Edward had felt more at ease there than he had in his own skin over the previous couple of years. There was something about the way the bed felt so soft, the sheets cool and comfortable against his bare, heated flesh, the way his senses were overtaken and intoxicated by light touches and taunting kisses that turned those moments into something nostalgic. He could still feel the touch of those fingers, always slightly cooler than his own tracing against the toned muscles of his chest. He remembered how they felt; how they looked. He'd always laughed at the black polish Envy used to paint those nails, always so neat – but one couldn't expect any less from someone who could change his appearance at will.

"Why do you do that..?" he'd ask his arch enemy – his… lover on one occasion.

"Hm?" Envy answered in his usual nonchalance.

"Your nails…" he breathed, brushing a finger over the blackened nails.

The homunculus grinned, flashing the perfectionist polish job. "You like it?"

Ed blinked, eyes widening momentarily as he was taken back by the sudden question. It had been perhaps the first time Envy had asked his opinion on something…anything. "I-…"

A chuckle. Fingers flicked a strand of tinted emerald from those unnatural but oh-so damn captivating eyes.

"It suits you…" the alchemist ended up admitting quietly with a faint trace of a smile.

Yes, it did suit him. Just like that ridiculous hair suited him and those clothes that no doubt always made people think of him a young girl instead. Only he could pull them off…pull all of it off as if it were nothing. He had never met someone with so much self-esteem, so much confidence and carefree attitude. In moments like that behind closed doors, Edward was convinced that he saw the real person behind the sin-named façade, the layers of borrowed faces and identities. But now… after the look he had just seen in those eyes as Envy carried off his brother, he was no longer sure who was the real being behind that mask.

Fullmetal sighed. He didn't need to be doing this, relieving such thoughts and memories. Delusions of something that should have never been and never will. A mistake, and nothing more. He didn't need to be wasting time when Al was in their hands and at their mercy. His brother and now the stone. The two things he could not lose, not when they had come this far, not when their dreams could finally be seen through the end.

Clouds dragged lethargically through the late afternoon sky. The young alchemist exhaled, watching the grey, heavy clouds above. He could already feel the heavy dampness of the incoming rain slip through the material of his jacket and penetrate the sensitive nerve endings that connected with the automail. Arms wound around himself in a weak attempt to keep himself warm. Fleshy digits slid over his right shoulder, causing him to nearly flinch as his mind wandered once more. Those same connections had been touched lightly in much the same way months earlier. He had noticed that Envy, despite his unstable moods had a certain fascination for the metal limbs that contrasted smoothly against the dark sheets, the pale bare flesh that touched their silvery surface. During the hours he had remained awake – almost afraid to fall asleep and allow himself to be at Envy's complete mercy – he noticed that the homunculus remained sprawled partly over him and always, in some way, maintaining some sort of contact with the cold, harsh metal of his shoulder and chest. Ed had found it strange at the time, but understood it now for what it was: someone who had lived that long, who carried the name of taboo from an old religion, who had seen more than Ed could ever imagine, just did not care for the 'sins' that had caused the loss of such limbs, the creation of another homunculus. It was Ed's weight to carry, and instead of adding to it by avoiding such things that were just part of him, Envy not just accepted them, but possessed them. All of him. In those hours late at night, creeping into the morning when the sun was starting to shine through the cracked windows, Ed was nothing more than a perfectly sized plushie to curl and cuddle around.

Yes…it was during those hours that the sleep deprived alchemist saw through those masks… there was someone behind all of it. Someone that looked so unbelievably peaceful, even innocent as those strands fell across his closed eyes, lashes fluttering against pale cheeks in the middle of a dream. There was no insanity there, no anger…

…at least not until the nightmares struck.

Ed jumped as thunder cracked violently above him. He saw the spark of lightening and frowned, his mind hazy from far too vivid thoughts.

He padded away from the once chalk-white wall he'd been leaning against and catching a glimpse in the window, his frown only deepened. The dark bags under his eyes gave away the weight he'd been carrying on his shoulders over the last few days, the lack of sleep he had forced upon his weary body. Fingers pinched the bridge of his nose and he shook his head, regaining some clarity as he strode forward. He'd allow his body a nap… a couple of hours of sleep would do him good. A couple of hours wouldn't hurt, just like getting out of the cold rain that had begun to pelt down against him would also not hurt at all.

Denying his mind further access at months long past, Edward stumbled into the small, board room. Even the dingy looking bed seemed like the greatest mattress he had ever set eyes upon at that moment. His body flopped heavily upon it, setting the strings in motion, which squeaked under the weight. Within minutes he found rest.

- - - -

"Nnghnn!" was the breathy moan that escaped those kissable, whorish lips as Ed's head disappeared beneath the metaphorical covers. Envy squirmed against the pile of pillows that had gathered behind him, squeezed against the dark headboard, fingers grasping at the sheets that slid down over the edge of the worn mattress and into the long blonde wavy strands of hair that had long come undone from the neat braid Ed constantly insisted on wearing. The blonde cringed as those fingers tangled none-too-gently into his hair, and immediately noticed that the momentary hint of pain seemed to delight Envy even further. If such was possible, he idly thought, fighting the instinctive urge to gag as he took his lover's throbbing member a little too far past his swollen lips.

Minutes later, Ed was leaning over him, peering into that far-too-pretty glowing, wanton face in silence. He noticed the glow of slitted violet eyes watching him from behind half lowered lids and fluttering lashes. He couldn't help snickering at the sly grin that slid over Envy's dry lips. That grin, always present no matter what – dangerous, playful. He couldn't read it half the time, but it was comforting over its absence.

The homunculus – showing absolutely no modesty in his lack of clothing – flopped comfortably against the mattress, lazily throwing an arm over his eyes as he gradually re-learned to breathe.

"And I thought you hated me…"

Silence. Envy stilled momentarily, then drew that arm away. Violet eyes fell upon him and Ed felt his turn to freeze. He'd rather be chewing his own knee by now. His big mouth always got him in trouble and it wasn't the first – nor would it be the last, he reckoned – that he had asked the worst questions possible.

"Never mind," he quickly intervened, sitting beside him, golden eyes upon the dark colored sheets beneath them.

"I never said I hated you."

Ed shook his head, sending loose strands into his visage – better yet, he could hide behind the golden curtain. "I said never mind, it's not important." And yet…it was. He knew it was and wanted to know just why this was happening if once outside these walls they'd still fight for the same thing they had been fighting about since their first encounter. Once it came down to it, he was nothing but a fuck-toy, despite his attempts to convince himself otherwise.

"You're such a bad liar, chibi-san."

A twitch.

He felt the mattress shift and immediate knew that Envy had straightened up, sat up and was leaning closer. "Speak up, chibi-san" Ed twitched further, and immediately spazzed as a finger was poked into his bare side.

"Will you stop calling me an insignificant speck of dust you can barely get your hands on?!! You're not that much taller yourself!!!" He yapped off at a speed that left Envy staring at him perplexed for a moment…before doubling over in laughter.

Ed blinked at him…then glared, golden brows narrowing dangerously. "Oi…"

He watched the top of that emerald tinted head shake as the homunculus still snickered uncontrollably.

"Oi!" He repeated a bit louder. Instead of a reply, however, Edward was greeted with a cat-like pounce that landed him flat on his back against the mattress. Eyes widened as he stared up at Envy before lips were claimed in a playful yet – as always – possessive manner. "Mm..." he mumbled to no avail, giving in seconds later with a gasp as he felt wandering digits slide down his torso toward attention-deprived lower areas.

It was just as those devious fingers wrapped almost painfully tight around him that Ed woke with a start; rain pelting hard against the small window right above the bed. He gasped, staring at the dusty glass, golden eyes barely focusing on what they saw. Muscles twitched as he pushed himself up ever slightly, only to give up seconds later and flop onto his back, gasping harshly as he stared at the water marks on the ceiling. His heart was racing in his chest. He felt hot, his shirt damp. The least he could do was struggle out of the long sleeved open-jacket before flopping back down. He whisked his tongue out to dampen dry lips and sighed soon there after, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Just what he needed: memories of that night coming back to taunt him in the worst way possible. Those leather pants felt truly uncomfortable right then and there, Ed noted whimsically.

Unfortunately he had no idea just how long he had slept and the darkness outside told him little since the heavy rain clouds effectively blocked out the sun. Feeling more tired than when he had laid down to rest Ed sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the mattress. His back slouched as he leaned forward, burying his face in the cool metal of his right hand. Moments later, he made himself stand, made his body function and respond obediently in order to carry him out the door and into the damned rain.

Before he could reach the outermost door, however, the blonde alchemist was thrown back in surprise. The front door had clashed open; outside the rain fell, roaring in his ears as the heavy drops hit the ground. From his new spot on the floor, he felt the vibration of footsteps and glimpsed up through a thick veil of golden bangs. A gasp rushed from his lungs as he saw those black toe nails, the cut off black sockies… the pale, bare expanse of a toned leg. Ed leaned back, bicycling on the floor against the dripping intruder. Not now…of all times, not after those dreams, not after those words, that laughter, the feel of those fingers… the scream welled up in his throat as he found himself pinned to the wall, watching those slitted violet eyes, the mocking grin upon those lips. It was happening again, and this time he was even worse off. His breath hitched in his chest as he pressed to the wall, wishing it would melt away and let him through, let him hide and seclude himself until it all went away, until the nightmare ended.

But no nightmare kissed like that.

* * *

Please don't kill me!! XD Okay, I know I promised a longer chapter, but I'm so happy with this that I didn't have the heart to stretch it out and possibly ruin the effect. Now that I've found my muses again (after that horrible chap 6), this will be easier as it's moving toward the end. Stay tuned! Comments are appreciated as always! 


	8. Over the Edge

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys. No beans were truly harmed in the writing of this fanfic.

Author's Notes: I'm on an update spree. XD Back to Envy's POV once more. It's strange being inside his crazed head once again. But not bad… definitely not bad. Beware the (mild) insanity…

* * *

**Namida  
**- chapter 8 -  
_Over the Edge_

No nightmare kissed like that. No dream felt that real, and yet he had to wonder when no words were directed toward him, no signs of violence. Much on the contrary – cool, damp digits slid down either side of his face soothingly, easing his thoughts, his fear, and his utter panic that had previously gripped him with an ice-cold hand around his heart.

Somewhere along the seemingly eternal moments of silence, Ed re-learned how to breathe and exhaled lightly against those lips that hovered just over his own.

It was surreal…

-

"You thought you could get away like that…" Envy purred into his ear.

The little bastard actually thought he could have escaped, just like that. So pitiful, so…delightful, he mused with a broadening grin.

The homunculus delighted in the widening of those golden eyes as he watched the panic creep back into the boy's body, causing him to still, freeze, tense against the dirty wall that offered no way out. Just like a trapped animal with nowhere to go. He snickered, brushing a finger down his prey's cheek, drawing a line of rain water down the tanned flesh, only to lick it away moments later.

Intoxicating.

The moment the pint-sized alchemist began to struggle, he wrapped strong fingers around his wrists, metal and flesh alike and pinned them roughly against the wall above the blonde's head.

"You're mine now…" he whispered.

"I'm nobody's property!" Ed protested, throwing his weight against the hands that held him to no avail. Envy had never before allowed the chibi to feel the extent of the unnatural strength he had been bestowed with upon his emergence from the damned gate; he had never had enough of a reason to punish him that furiously but now…now that he had been betrayed it was different. Much different. How alike father and son really were, he mused silently with a scowl.

"You're all the same…" he hissed, caring not for Edward's perplexed face.

"In the end you're just as bad as he is!" He snarled, but did not release him from that near-crushing hold. Not when he heard the creak of metal shift beneath his palm. He merely deemed it a glance and smirk – the automail had already been ruined as it was. A bit more damage would not do it much harm.

Edward gasped, his breath hissing through gritted teeth. How glorious he looked there, with the hints of pain written across his face in such an appealing way. Envy leaned in, holding the blonde's wrists with one hand so that the other could preoccupy itself with sliding down the boy's chest.

"Look at me," he purred, giving the other the chance to do so on his own. When Ed made no movement, however, pale fingers grasped onto that chiseled chin, turning it roughly so that golden and violet eyes met forcefully.

The sixteen year-old glared furiously at him, almost succeeding. Almost. "What do you want from me?"

It was then that Envy laughed, releasing his wrists in his distraction. It only earned him an immediate punch to the jaw that sent him tumbling back from his lowered perch onto the soiled floor boards. He touched the pulsing spot where metal had collided with his flesh, feeling the swell that would have developed if he hadn't whisked it away from his precious face he had spent years perfecting. Slitted violets gazed up through a thick veil of ebony: strands darkened and heavy, drenched with rain that still dripped upon the floor. Envy snarled, watching the alchemist burst through the open doorway and into the storm, and pushed himself up back onto his feet with not an ounce of lost dignity. He even took a moment to dust the dirt from the black of his clothes.

"Run all you want!" the homunculus then screamed after Ed. It was only then that he darted after him, caring not for the thick rain drops that pelted against his face and exposed skin. He was in no risk of catching a cold, he only cared for catching the small figure ahead of him. How dare he? He would not allow such behavior. He would not allow to be avoided, ignored and completely shoved aside. Not again and definitely not by _him_! No, he would have his way. He would win the battle this time around.

On that thought, Envy slammed a fist through the alchemized wall of earth that had risen in his path. It would take more than that to stop him. But it had been enough to catch up and surprise his prey. He snatched Ed's wrist, turning him around to push and pin him against the debris of the earthy wall with much protest.

The chase had thrilled him, put him on the edge, yearning for more than just the splendid sight of that drenched, toned body trapped against him. In his mind there was no other way around it – around the near-animalistic passion that pulsed through his scantily clad body. Even the rain felt icier than before against his feverish flesh.

"Let me go!" Ed shouted above the rumble of the falling rain, struggling to free himself. There was no more panic in those eyes, no more hesitation behind those shimmering golden orbs as there had always been before. The hesitation and uncertainty that Envy had always found ever-so-endearing throughout their months of escapades.

"You owe me…"

"I owe you nothing!" It was then that the homunculus noticed the tears that slid down Fullmetal's face, disguised by the thick rain drops that would not quit falling from the thick clouds above.

They sank into silence for a few moments. "I did what you wanted…"

"W-what..?" Ed blinked, perplexed, even startled by the sudden quiet tone.

"I left you alone to your affairs… I could have followed, I knew where you were. I left you two alone…I kept my promise, I gave you what you wanted…" Envy explained quietly, loosening his grip ever slightly.

Golden eyes widened further, if possible. "Envy…" Edward mumbled, disbelief echoing through the hushed utterance of his name.

"I gave you what you wanted. I gave you what you wanted! And you shove me aside!"

Taken back, the blonde alchemist flinched, but did not try to break away from the loosened grip the homunculus had upon him. "I-…"

"What!" the word was hissed in a cat-like, predatory manner – just like every other thing about his nature.

"Never mind." Ed uttered quietly, shifting his gaze to like aside once again. If there had been something he had meant to say, it was no longer there, no longer accessible.

"Tst!" Envy scoffed, the anger resurfacing. Fingers touched that chin once more, tilting it upward for the second time that night. Instead of meeting the glare, however, he claimed those scowling lips, taking him by surprise. What he faced was utter stillness, a deathly cold reception to the forceful show of affection – if one could call it such thing. When there was still no response from the stubborn bean, he turned him around, shoving him what would have been face first into the earth-born wall if it did not crumble at waist height. Nevertheless, he pushed him forward against him, leaning over his shoulder predatorily. Lips brushed his earlobe, hands whisking forward, tauntingly sliding beneath the soaked material of the black tank top.

Unlike previous times, the chibi did not respond to his advances. In fact, if anything, he back-lashed stronger than usual as an elbow was thrown against his exposed stomach. With unforeseen agility, Ed crouched down, immediately sweeping at Envy with his left leg, in attempt to disable him if only momentarily. It appeared as if the stubborn alchemist had not yet learned his lesson as to who was superior between the two, Envy noted dully as he gracefully back-flipped away from the attack, touching his stomach where the metal elbow had collided. He felt his body's regeneration properties mend the couple of ribs that had shattered with the blow.

"Will you never learn, o-chibi-san?" He taunted with the inquisitive tilt of his head, the usual grin and mirth upon those eyes that deemed him inhuman.

"Stop calling me that." Was all Ed hissed in return, already standing once more and determined. Was he actually considering to fight? The thought made the homunculus snicker, which only drew a questioning glare from his shrimp-sized prey. It was far too precious – the stubborn child – as he was acting like one, a mature one, but still a child – wanted to fight once again. After having been defeated, beaten to a near-bloody pulp time and time again. Yes, far too precious. Too amusing, but if that was what he wanted…

Envy stood there, hand upon his hip as he beckoned Ed closer, taunted him into making the first move, which he did. Fullmetal ran forward, alchemizing the metal of his automail into the blade that came crashing down, aimed in his general direction. It was too easy to dodge, to grab that metal arm and twist it behind his back. "You're not trying hard enough," he whispered into his ear, tongue flicking to lick a line up his neck before Ed successfully broke away from the hold. But not before shuddering. Not before sensing the instinctive response from his body.

A response Envy was too quick to pick up on.

Even better.

The rain was letting up, the drops gradually lessening, thinning out, but it still remained cold, the ground freezing beneath his bare feet. His clothes hugged his body, his short skirt dripping heavily from his waist; long strands no longer upholding their usual gravity-defying state, but cascading down his back, over his eyes. Ed looked no better. In fact, Envy though, he looked absolutely edible. A wicked grin touched those lips and it was his turn to charge, slamming a quick fist into his opponent's jaw, sending him tumbling into the several puddles that had gathered on the ground.

Dirt water splashed all over him and yet…he did not seem to care as he approached with cat-like grace, sauntering closer only to stand directly over Ed, who lay there, attempting to rise while gasping for air, body shuddering from the cold, the automail connections no doubt hurting him more than anything else at this point. Envy stood over him, one bare foot on either side of his waist, glimpsing down. After a moment like that, he leaned down, grasping a handful of the collar of his pet's shirt in order to tug him up. Lips hovered only centimeter's from Ed's bruised ones… his free hand rising, fingers brushing down his cheek.

"I don't want to hurt you, chibi-san…"

The blonde scoffed and doubled over, immediately caught by a fit of coughs that scratched heavily against his throat.

The anger diffused from his eyes as he watched Ed struggle with the air that would not filter through his lungs. A sense of…worry…cast over him, leaving him confused, perplexed…

Where was that fueling anger that had driven him out here in this bloody storm to claim his possession? Granted he was no good to him like this…no good at all. And with that thought in mind, Envy picked him up, as easily as he had done in the past and hoisted him back to the run-down board-house that offered some kind of shelter – as poor as it might be.

-

The rickety chair was more uncomfortable than it had looked at first.

Envy frowned, trying to fold his body in several different ways in order to get comfortable. He ended up sprawling over it, legs over one armrest, back to the other. The silence was deafening. And he was bored. Extremely bored and without a single thing to do but pick idly at his nails and steal glimpsed toward the bed upon which Ed slept soundlessly.

The homunculus sighed and leaned his head back, glimpsing at the ceiling. Had it gathered even more watermarks since a couple of hours ago? He quirked a brow at it, but decided that studying watermarks on a goddamn ceiling was worse than picking at his nails. He returned to the latter task with an annoyed sigh.

If there was one thing he hated above most others was boredom. Random things suffered the unfortunate side effect of destruction when he became bored.

The sudden creaking of old mattress strings saved him from boredom and the room from possible destruction as his attention was immediately fetched and turned toward the still unconscious, drippy alchemist on the bed. Ed was muttering something unintelligible. The homunculus blinked, unfolding from his spot on the chair to pad across the floorboards toward him.

"Cold…" he heard it then, the faint, slurred whisper coming from those shuddering lips. He almost dismissed it, having nothing other the blanket that he had already tossed over the blonde's body to cover him with. However, as he turned to return to his spot, the soft utterance of his own name froze him in place.

"En-vy.." Ed repeated just as softly. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that the feverish bastard was still unconscious, having been thrown into uneasy sleep, he noted by the fluttering of lashes, the twitching of muscles. What the hell was he supposed to do! He began to ask himself, stubbornly clinging onto that anger that had led him here in the first place. And yet…he couldn't find a reasoning behind it. Not now. Not when Ed was shivering from cold, uttering his name. Was this not what he had wanted all along, after all?

Frowning, the Sin turned and crawled gracefully onto the single-sized bed. It wasn't as if he had any extra layers of clothing he could offer him. Quite on the contrary. But at least he hadn't caught a chill… He reached out, hesitantly touching his forehead. Scalding. The frown deepened and Envy slid around him, leaning against the wall as he pulled the younger man into his lap, blankets and all. Having dripping hair soaking through his lap once more was not the most pleasant thing he had experienced, but the moment Ed had found a more comfortable pillow and pliable body to hold on to, the shivers seemed to lessen.

Well, at least there was some improvement, Envy noted dully. He flinched moments later, having leaned his head back a little too fast into the off-white wall behind him. He rubbed at the mildly throbbing spot and glimpsed down. His hand stilled the moment he caught himself smoothing his fingers through long damp strands of blonde. Somewhere between having gathered the chibi into his lap and hitting his head rather ungracefully upon the wall, Edward had stirred quietly from his shaky sleep and was peering up at him with a glazed look. Golden eyes widened once coherency sunk farther into his brain and the situation was gradually dawning on him. After a moment, fully awake and realizing just who's lap he was using as a warm, comfortable pillow, Ed scrambled up, knocking over the pile of thin blankets that had previously been keeping him warm, as well as himself right over the edge of the small mattress. No doubt having forgotten the smaller measurements. The blonde alchemist landed square on his rear-end with a hissed curse, palms falling behind him to catch the majority of the blow.

Envy blinked, watching the eccentric performance with a perplexed look. He blinked once more…and snickered softly at first. The ungraceful nature of the fall seemed far too amusing to him at that point and he made it known with the mirth that seeped merrily into those violet eyes and the consecutive snickers that escaped kissable lips. There was just something about the way Ed was sitting there, indignantly glaring up at him to hide the embarrassment of this reaction that stirred something within him. Yes, far too amusement indeed and he could not even explain why.

His amusement only grew when his younger companion came to realize that he not only had knocked himself off the bed, but did so while having been stripped down to the black leather pants that stuck damply to his legs. A flush of embarrassment deepened against his cheeks as he looked around for his tank top and jacket, only to find them drying over the back of a chair. Envy watched as the alchemist debated with himself – to snatch the clothes back to himself or pretend it bothered him in the least. The homunculus knew quite well that it wasn't Ed's half-nakedness that bothered him – he was known for ripping off his shirts at the most random moments throughout the last couple of years. The discomfort came from the knowledge that it had been Envy who had stripped him of those clothes while he had been unconscious.

"What are you laughing at?" He finally demanded crossly, half mumbling as he crossed his arms, having chosen to stay put instead of succumb to further embarrassment.

"At you, o-graceful-chibi-san." Envy mocked, leaning forward in a catlike manner that had him sprawled on his belly, legs up, bent at the knees and crossed at the ankles. He held his chin in his gloved hand, and peered down at him.

"Stop calling me that!" Ed exploded and threw the first thing his hand landed on…which just happened to be one of his heavy boots.

Violet eyes widened at the incoming projectile and managed just enough time to duck and roll along to the mattress once to dodge it. It hit the wall behind him and flopped on the mattress beside him. "You can take someone's head off with that thing!"

"That was the idea!"

The homunculus frowned, dark brows narrowing as he cast him a mock-reprimanding look. "Is that the way you treat your elders?" Instead of giving Ed a chance to reply, he rolled back onto his front, gracefully climbing down from the bed onto all fours in front of him. He watched, mildly amused as Ed slid back a few inches until his back came in contact with the rickety wooden chair Envy had previously been sitting in. Figuratively trapped, Ed grit his teeth, holding his ground as Envy crawled forward. Within minutes he was leaning over the prodigy alchemist, who had settled for glaring furiously at him.

"You glare too much," he whispered and reached up, brushing a finger along the lines of Ed's brow. "You'll give yourself permanent lines and ruin this pretty face." The whisper turned to a purr as he leaned closer, lips brushing chastely over Ed's.

"Don't do this…" Fullmetal muttered against the kiss, unmoving, body stiff, tense even as he was squeezed between Envy's radiating warmth and the gradually sliding chair. Upon noting the creak of the chair, Envy glimpsed up and with a free hand, shoved it aside. The lack of back support caught Ed by surprise and stole his balance, throwing him down onto the floor with Envy effectively straddling his leather-clad waist.

All squirms ended with the pinning of Ed's arms securely above his head. "You forget…I like it when you fight," the homunculus grinned, purring against his ear at which he nipped tauntingly at. As always, it drew a soft whimper from the blonde, who squirmed ever slightly beneath him. The movement did nothing to deter him, if anything it only excited him, and encouraged his teasing.

A sigh echoed against his ear, the soft breath whisking against long dark strands that had miraculously regained their softness even after the downpour. Envy glimpsed down at him and found Ed looking aside, but the glare was gone, the determination gone. All that was left was a resigned calm that told him that he had most likely given up. Somehow…the thought upset him. It was as if Ed was treating him like some regular bandit… not even the first time he had possessed this sweet little body he'd been this resigned. Quite on the contrary, the fight had only led to pleasure, on both sides. Envy would have it no other way.

But then again, Ed probably knew this. Probably knew it well enough to use it as a tactic. The thought angered him, revolted him to the core, causing the homunculus to push himself up, sitting on the back of his legs as well as the blonde's upper thighs as he looked down at him with a scrutinizing glint in those eyes.

"What are you doing?"

A blonde brow rose in question; matching golden eyes shifting upward to glance at him. Oh, the bastard, looking that innocent, that confused… he was not going to win his way like this. No, he knew better. "I'm not doing anything," Ed had the audacity of stating quietly.

"Why!" The sinful manifestation demanded with a hiss.

Fullmetal was unimpressed by the outburst, perhaps having become so accustomed to them by now to really react anymore. He exhaled once more and sat up, or at least tried to with the angle he was given. Envy leaned back slightly, allowing him to rise and come to eye level – for once – with him.

"You're going to do whatever you want as you always do… what's the use in fighting it?"

It…didn't even sound like him – that feisty, stubborn determined shrimp he had met months earlier and stalked for many months before then. Envy blinked, perplexed…or perhaps just surprised, taken back by the observation. No, this was definitely not something he would have expected out of him. And here he thought he knew the chibi well enough to start guessing his next steps. He hadn't been wrong so far…until now.

"Ed…" he muttered – perhaps for the first time using his real name over the mild insult that had become an almost affectionate, habitual term.

* * *

I couldn't help myself…I'm a sucker for cliffhangers. XD And I'll probably get even more death threats because of it. But see, I kept my promise and this chapter's longer. I've also been thinking of any way to sneak a cinnamon bun back into the story since that's what gave birth to it all. (As a side note, my personal chibi-san and I will be making convention appearances within the next few months. Cinnabon included. XD; Feel free to say hi!) And to those of you worried that this is ending…I still have a few chapters up my sleeve. Worry not, it won't be that abrupt. 


	9. Transcendence

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: I really _am_ on an update spree. :snicker: Not like that's a bad thing. Now let's see… started writing this at the campus computer lab on Feb 4th. Yes, a day after the previous update.

* * *

**Namida  
**- chapter 9 -  
_Transcendence_

Time hung still. The silence inside the room was deafening – from outside filtered in the rhythmic drops of rain, sinking from the edges of the roof to splatter on the ground, creating puddles that resonated eerily. The floorboards creaked, clothes whispered and shuffled. Metal resonated – the inner workings of machinery, running a bit rougher due to the previous downpour-inflicted abuse. If it hurt him, Ed made absolutely no complaints as he stood, a little shaky, feverish even, but made no show of it. He walked to the chair that held his clothes, tugging the cool, still mildly damp shirt over his head with a slight flinch, which he bit back rather effectively. The jacket was held tightly to his chest as he faced the door, giving Envy no chance to look him in the eyes. Not now. Not when it had come down to this.

His shoulders shook with the powerful shiver that slithered up his back, causing him to tighten the hold around the crumbled, wrinkled and soiled black jacket. The shivers came to a startling end when Envy rose from his spot on the floor, having previously shifted to allow Ed to slide away from him. The whispering footsteps were far too easily identifiable, the nearing of that unnaturally created being that radiated with such ambiguous feelings and polar emotions did nothing to ease the muscles that had tensed up minutes earlier.

"I'm going," Edward stated flatly, stepping away before Envy ever had a chance to reach him. Not like he couldn't if he really wanted to, but the thought that he had consciously gotten away was enough to comfort him for the time being. He had paused at the door, cold metal fingers touched the beaten up doorframe. When there was no reply from the homunculus, he continued on past the threshold and into the front hall where he had been previously trapped.

The rain had stopped, he noted with a whimsical glance. The night was still heavy in the sky, cold, damp. Boots thudded heavily into the puddles that had gathered on the steps as he descended down to onto the muddy ground. Footsteps shuffled behind him – bare feet against the floorboards. He wondered how Envy handled it; walking everywhere like that… then again he also dressed like that and both because he wanted to. With a sigh, Ed decided that it really didn't matter. At one point in time he'd been curious enough to ask. Now…he was just as curious but lacked the proper courage and words to do so.

"I'm going to get my brother." He affirmed, successfully keeping all the uncertainty out of his voice. "I don't care what it takes," he continued quietly and only then glimpsed over his shoulder, peering up the height difference further elevated by the steps at the being that had become his personal waking dream – a livid nightmare. "I will get him back."

He watched those cat-like eyes narrow dangerously; those kissable lips twist and turn with an ugly, dangerous scowl. And yet he continued to look…beautiful, enticing. But he knew better now. He had woken from his dream with a startling revelation that had left him beaten and bruised. It had cost him half his sanity and his only living family (that he would acknowledge). It had led him here, to a decadent Inn with watermarked ceilings, peeling paint and dusty floors. It had led him to a feverish sleep in his enemy's lap – even led him to believe that lap had offered the most warmth and comfort he had felt in years. Twisted, warped… but his eyes were open even if his heart did not want to accept it.

_This time you're wrong,_ he told himself, scorning the figurative heart that kept him there still, peering up at taboo creation that had become this being. _This time I won't let you win._ Edward swore vehemently.

"You go and get your brother, o-chibi-san," Envy finally responded after a few moments. Ed noted that the Sin's voice had become deeper and it wasn't just anger – he had heard him in angry moods plenty to recognize it. No, it was something else he could not quite pinpoint. "Go an' fetch your precious little stone." He concluded with a wide grin and for the first time, Fullmetal saw pure insanity squirming to break free behind those glazed violet eyes.

There was nothing left to say and thus, he chose to remain silent, breathing evenly as he merely looked away and stormed off, willing his body to break into a run once the rundown Inn was a few meters away. He ran hard, breath pumping through his body, cold air hurting his lungs, his heart beating incredibly fast against his chest. He felt hot, feverish but it did not matter. He was led by a combined surge of panic and determination that would not allow him to slow down now. Not with the metal weight that wore him down and made him desperately clumsy at times, not with the heavier weight his mind felt as thoughts dashed to and from. He would not stop now – not until he had released Al. Not until everything finally came to an end.

-

Whirling darkness enveloped him. He felt little hands and fingers brush against his flesh with chilling, icy touch. His skin crawled at the sensation, at the memory of what those touches signified – of what they wanted from him. But not this time…he had nothing to give up this time. Nothing he would give up. The storm of images that forced their way into his mind were enough to leave him dizzy and disoriented. If it were not for the burning resolve that ate away at him. The memory of those flames, the crashing of beams – he still felt them all. Felt the cold grasp of death – not so different from those hands that sought for him now as he ran forward through the darkness, blindingly seeking a way out. It was then, after what seemed to be an eternity of searching, even though he knew only short moments had gone by, that he found it. The nightmarish gate that had stolen nearly everything from him, through which he had been forced and through which he would now fight his way out of.

Every last inch of his body hurt as he fought off the little guardians and shoved open the heavy doors. He felt the sweat drip down his back, into his eyes, stinging in a way that only perspiration can. He glimpsed through the haphazard veil of blonde that fell into his visage as light emerged and the ancient ballroom became visible and not just a distant memory. With a scream, he broke through, all the pressure that wanted to keep him within that suffocating darkness released, causing his balance to shatter and drop him to the floor.

Silence ringed loudly in his ears as he gasped to regain his breath, regain his life in this world that was his. He heard the soft mutters of his name, the gasps of disbelief as he pushed his way out of that nightmarish place, but it hardly mattered. His lungs burned with the heavy gasps he took; his throat was dry. But he was home. Strangely he did not feel as relieved as he thought he would be. Perhaps it was the glow that emitted from his brother's armored body. That crimson hue that indicated the widely sought Philosopher's Stone. But that hue was being eaten away – or perhaps the best word would be devoured – by the soulless being that knew nothing other than his gluttonous tendencies.

"Al…" he whispered, before his attention was consumed by the all-too-familiar face of Dr. Marco standing before him. Edward blinked…then glared, brows furrowing dangerously. How dare he! How dare he still play these games with him when he knew for a fact whose face lay beneath all those layers!

Fullmetal's anger only increased when the bastard took the features of the late Brigadier General Hughes. Thoughtless of the consequences, he charged forward, anger pulsing through his veins despite the exhaustion of his body. "Don't screw with me!" He screamed, frustration exploding through him with the well aimed punches and kicks that Envy so easily dodged. But this time he was determined – it was more than the usual confrontation that had resorted to violence in the past. This time…this time he would not allow it to go any further. And thus urged by past events, torn sentiments and betrayal, he caught that disguised body, shoving him to his knees with ease.

"It won't work this time," he gasped, metal arm tightening dangerously around Envy's disguised throat. "I killed the homunculus with the face of my mother, I can kill you just as easily!"

As soon as he uttered the words, he regretted them for that was the shape Envy immediately took. He saw those caring eyes – not the unnatural slit violets, but the deep green of his mother's – and froze, feeling the sting of tears in the corner of his eyes. The moment's hesitation was more than enough to get him a kick to the face and an up close experience of the cold floor once again.

As he lay there with the cold floor against his forehead, midway through pulling himself back up, he remembered the look Envy had given him upon his departure. He remembered the fear he had felt at that moment, the panic as he ran through the various puddles of dirty water that further soiled and drenched his leather pants. He remembered and looked up then into those violet eyes that were nothing close to resembling the softness they had previously held. The compassion that had always been present in his mother's eyes. Instead he saw those unnatural violets he had learned to look forward to seeing; eyes he had learned to…love?

There was nothing but hostility in them now as Envy took the liberty of another blow at him. The pain jarred him from his melancholic thoughts. _Fight back_, he told himself. _Fight back._ His body responded moments later, but not quick enough.

"Why are you doing this!" Edward hissed, but received no response other than a well aimed kick to the mouth. It was the best hint to get him to shut up that he had ever seen, he observed upon skidding against the cold marble. His body twisted, catching itself before collided in a less than pleasant position. Flesh and metal scrapped at the marble as he came to a halt. Fiery golden eyes looked up then. "What gives you the right to treat people like this?" His voice raised in anger. "What gives you the right to treat _me_ like this!" Edward completely exploded then.

By this point they had gained an audience, but neither appeared to care. Envy had absolutely nothing to hide, or at least was shameless to the point of not caring what the others would think of this performance. Sometimes Ed wondered just who he was – or had been. How long had he been on this world like this…this being who morphed his body as easily as Ed performed the simplest alchemic procedure. And why…why so much hatred contained within that pivoting body. Hatred toward himself, toward the entire world…toward "that person".

Edward had once sat up late at night, nursing the wounds from earlier that evening, applying bandages to the deepest cuts and ointment to the bruises – all of which had been Envy's lovely artwork, and though about the events that had lead them up to that point. That person the homunculus talked so much about, always in fits of anger. The rage that burst through him, usually aimed at Ed for brief moments of time – usually accompanied by exclamations that would ring loudly in his head. "I will never forgive you because you have his blood in your veins!" Envy had once told him while nearly crushing his ribs with powerful kicks.

Hohenheim. He had come to the conclusion some weeks ago, but had never once brought up the subject. He found it best not to, especially not when it was such a sore subject and he already received enough beatings on a regular basis as it was. Ruining the time they managed to have without a fight would have been downright silly. Not to mention absolutely stupid.

But the reason behind the hate was still unknown. Even after having talked to his father in that strange world of machinery and discovered the truth about the years-long grudge he had kept, nothing had been clarified. He also had not had the chance – nor the thought – to ask. Thinking about it now, he probably wouldn't have been able to bring himself to do so either.

Perhaps it was just deduction, which he had absolutely no right to do, but… it matched up, even if it made absolutely no sense in his mind.

"-I'm stronger than you!" he caught half of the words, but they were enough to stir him out of his thoughts. Edward scowled, realizing that his question had either not been answered or he had completely missed it with his internal dialogue.

Even now, always mocking, always having to be the best in whatever way possible. And yet, despite how much Ed wanted to hate him – find it within him the emotion necessary to truly despise him, he could not. Not when he ran after him, not when he tackled that body to the ground while the homunculus was distracted by Wrath. Not when he slammed his left fist into that beautiful face, only to raise it once more for a second shot. Envy, however, was not phased by the punch and was quick to not only switch appearances but also grasp his wrist with the strength he had revealed the previous night.

Edward gasped, watching that face return to the androgynous beauty he knew and adored. The distraction was enough to land him flat on his back, arms pinned roughly at his sides while lips pressed with a possessive anger to his mouth. Golden eyes snapped open in surprise, in outrage. What was he doing? Here! Now! In front of Lyla – no, Dante. In front of the two other Sins. In front of Rose! In front of…

In front of his brother.

* * *

Now before you brick me to death, remember if I'm dead I can't finish this! XD

I apologize for the spoilers and parallel to the storyline. I took quite a few liberties, as some of you can see. The way it _should_ have happened kind of thing. D I'll estimate right now that I have at least two-three more chapters left before really ending it. The next one will be plot-related, the others won't. And that's all I'll say about that. As always, comments muchly appreciated and remember to keep the bricking to a minimum!


	10. Truth

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: For an added affect to enhance the angst, listen to Chopin's "Etude in E Major" while you're reading this chapter. It might ease in the waterworks if you're prone to them. And keep a pack of tissues nearby. As always, watch the spoilers – I took a lot of liberties, but there are some scenes that resonate pretty close to the episodes.

* * *

**Namida  
**- chapter 10 -  
_Truth_

How dare he pull something like that! The intentions to humiliate him were far too clear, far too obvious that it stirred something closely resembling fury within him. But the incentive to fight was lost as those lips moved against his own. Ed found himself frozen by that seductive rhythm, the brush of soft lips and tongue, even if they were hungry and possessive.

A twisted part deep inside of him had convinced itself that he actually looked forward to those touches, that sensation. The goose bumps that shot up his spine, the twitch his muscles reacted with. He could hardly feel the cold marble pressing against his back as he stared past that head of dark emerald to the high, elaborate ceiling above. It was then that it dawned on him. Where he was, who was there.

"Get off!" He finally struggled, shoving against that nimble body.

"I can do just that, chibi-san" Envy returned mockingly as he took the shameless liberty of sliding a hand down his stomach and without the slightest hesitation, far past the bridge of his pants.

Golden eyes widened, a shuddering gasp was ripped from his throat. "What t'hell do you think you're doing!" Edward scowled, squirming to get away, despite his body's involuntary response to the rough contact.

"Oi, chibi-san don't convince yourself you're better than this. Or have you forgotten how I had you squirming and begging for more just the other night…"

Before Envy could further add to the humiliation, he slammed his still-functioning metal fist into that pretty androgynous face, knocking him back and to the floor. "Who do you think you are!" He demanded, deaf to the mutterings behind him. Deaf to the call of his younger brother, deaf to Rose's brainwashed whimpers, to Gluttony's crazed feeding and slobbering. Envy was his center of attention then. That face that kept switching beneath him with a spark of alchemy at every turn. And at every turn he slammed a left fist into the new face.

"Stop it! You're nothing! You're nothing but borrowed faces, borrowed identities!" Edward screamed, even more furious when Envy gave him no reply, did not even seem to be phased by it. The only words that escaped his mouth were his name.

"I am whomever you'd like me to be, chibi-san." He grinned as Trisha's warm face was morphed.

"No!" Fullmetal screamed, another fist coming down. It left an angry red mark before the flesh tissue was once again replaced. This time Colonel Mustang lay beneath him, in such a compromising position. Edward grinned deviously, bringing his arm up for another punch.

"Do you intend on killing me, Fullmetal?"

"You couldn't have given me a better face…" he laughed quietly, bringing the fist down. "No...you can… you can but you won't!" Fingers tightened around Envy's throat, feeling the soft material of his turtleneck pressing against his palm. "Show me who you truly are! Or are you so in love with your insanity to have forgotten!"

He did not even notice the growing seriousness upon Envy's face, once more returned to the beauty he had known. The playful glint in those eyes had disappeared; those violets had darkened, brows furrowing dangerously. The grin no longer held any mirth, but instead danger – malice.

"You want to know so badly?" He hissed.

"Show it to me!" His voice echoed off the marble coated walls, only to die upon his throat seconds later as Envy lay there, peering up at him from matching golden eyes, from behind golden strands that lay haphazardly over his face – no where as beautiful as his chosen ambiguous form, but with a certain charm. He was not, however, picking out the details he could admire in that expression…instead, as he remained there, straddling the homunculus' waist, arm twitching as it had been readied for a punch, Ed could only stare in disbelief.

"Father…" he whispered, for that was whom he saw in those features. A younger face than he remembered, but it was definitely there. How could it? It made no sense, it had to be yet another lie, another façade, another way to play and mess with him just long enough to further muddle his mind.

However before he could utter a word, accusing him of the farce, Dante neared closer, long dresses whispering with every step. He knew she was speaking, he could hear the whirr or words slipping in and out of his mind like a rushing current. He heard his father's name being mentioned…the talk of human transmutation…the first…Envy was…

Ed gasped softly, shuddering with unfelt shivers as he gazed down at the homunculus that had acquired his true shape…his true identity, true face, true voice…those eyes…so like his own. Those golden strands, with their slight wave, ever so familiar. Fullmetal released a whimpered breath as the truth assaulted him mercilessly.

"…child died of mercury poisoning," he heard Dante say. Their child… this was…this was their child. This was Hohenheim's child of centuries past. This was…

…his own brother.

"You lied to me…" he whispered breathlessly. "You…" the words failed him, the thoughts clustered within his head in such a jumbled way he could make little sense of them. He felt the betrayal, the lies, the endless facades and false words. How could he have done it? How could he have done this to him! "Did all those words mean nothing…?" he gasped, his arm aching as he kept it held up…though the muscles gradually gave away, causing the shuddering limb to descend gradually. He could feel the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, but just like that night…the night he'd been left alone and used on the cold floor to watch the sun recede into the horizon, Ed did not allow them to fall.

Beneath him, Envy retook his more natural form, but those sinister eyes did not change, nor soften at those words. If anything, he looked even angrier. "Don't make yourself the victim!" He snarled angrily, sitting up with a quick movement that neither Ed nor anyone else could have predicted.

Edward gasped sharply, eyes widening in disbelief. A tear fell then as his eyes stared beyond the homunculus whom he had once began to trust. Whom he had foolishly fallen for…the homunculus that was his half-brother. The pain of betrayal was nothing compared to the pain that filtered through his chest then. The physical pain Envy so strategically applied as his right arm had morphed itself into a spike. Behind him he could hear blood dripping from that sharpened tip to splatter against the floor. His blood…

He coughed…it hurt. Arms dropped, his body giving out on him. Lashes fluttered as he gasped for the air that refused to find its way into his lungs – no doubt having been pierced or in some how ruptured. The grand ballroom seemed fuzzy then, the colors once bright blurring into shades as the ceiling was suddenly above him. He hardly found the breath and voice to groan as that spike was brought out of his chest, taking away the only support his weakened body had.

Fullmetal collapsed upon the marble floor, staring unseeingly at the elaborate ceiling before it faded completely into perfect whiteness.

-

The gate appeared before him the third time that night…or had it become day by now? Perhaps it had been _him_ who appeared… yes, that seemed more logical, Edward mused quietly, as he faced the towering structure. Its massive doors were shut, the nightmares within kept in their hellish prison of darkness for now… He did not quite comprehend what he was still doing here but...it took too much effort to question it.

Edward moved closer…glancing up at the gate from a few meter's distance and sighed. So this was what it was like…to die. Was this what Brigadier General Hughes had seen that night? Was this where all those faceless people caught in the wars saw before disappearing completely?

Was this what mom had seen before evading their grasp?

The alchemist frowned. The feeling of loneliness was almost worse than the nightmares those doors kept imprisoned within their hold. It was too quiet… but how else would someone dare to imagine the world of the dead?

He felt the need to sit down, the need to run, to scream, all at the same time. The knowledge he'd been left with, despite his attempts to ignore it, sung too loudly in his head.

In the last few minutes he had not only earned the stab of betrayal, a never previously mentioned half-brother as well as his own death. It was hard to distinguish which one caused him the most pain; the most torment. He could not erase the sight of those fierce violet eyes staring at him menacingly even in victory as he felt the morphed arm slide through his body. He could not forget the words that rang in his ears from nights spent together in relative peace. Envy had known all along who he was. He had done it on purpose, the bastard…he'd gotten close to him only to gain access to his father…their father.

Fullmetal cursed under his breath and rubbed the dampness out of his eyes. He'd been used after all. For the stone, for revenge, for nights of passion that meant nothing other than what physical pleasure they brought. He shook his head firmly and in a blink, saw the towering metal figure of his younger brother standing before him, only to disappear seconds later.

"Al..?" he whispered in question, only to be greeted with Envy's body cutting through the white surroundings to stand in front of him.

"Where am I!" The homunculus demanded firmly, as if nothing had just happened. As if the last year had not happened, as if the blonde had not been killed by his own betraying hand. Ed just stared at him with an infinite calmness he never knew existed within him. Yet…in seeing him once again, distressed like that, he felt a certain amount of satisfaction. However, as he noticed at once, Envy was far from distressed as he had been before in previous encounters with the gate.

"The gate…" he whispered quietly.

Violet eyes widened and the cat-like figure whirled around to stare at the massive structure towering before them. They seemed so insignificant standing there, so alone in the foreboding silence. "Where does it lead to!" His hateful lover…no, brother…demanded once more, turning those slit eyes toward him.

Edward did not respond at first, gazing into that angry face. Anger…always anger. He wondered why Envy had not been named Wrath instead. He carried enough of it. Just as he carried the lust that consumed them so many endless nights. Perhaps it had something to do with having been the first… having lived so long, survived so long like this. He almost felt pity for him. For that being stuck in such a form, driven only by his hate and sense of revenge.

"I…"

"Where!" Envy scowled, moving closer to him.

"London…I believe it leads to a place called London. Where….our…father is." The words came out choked. His lips felt parched, his throat completely dry. He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth. How could he have told him such a thing?

"Hohenheim!" He heard Envy shout, the surprise plastered upon those beautiful features. Even now, knowing the truth, knowing that his death had been at Envy's hand, he admired those features, as false as they may be.

"You mean he's still alive!" The questioning shook him from his endless contemplation.

"Is that all you think of…your revenge?" Edward uttered quietly, meeting those livid eyes sadly. There was a moment's worth satisfaction as he watched that angry expression falter momentarily.

"Tch!" Envy dismissed the question without further argument and whirled around, stomping off toward the massive doors that awaited them.

"What will you do once you get there?"

"What do you _think_ I'm going to do, o-chibi-san?" He snarled, slipping his fingers through the small center opening between the two doors in order to pry them open. "I'm going to kill him," he sounded breathless but Ed knew better. This was the same tone he always had when their father was mentioned. "I'm going to kill him like he deserves!" He screamed, pulling the doors wide open.

Beyond them lay that haunting, nightmarish darkness. The blonde alchemist had seen it far too many times. Seen their secrets, their horrors. Nothing was worth the experience of being put at their mercy – those little hands, that eerie laughter one would easily associate to that of a child – and children they were. The offspring of the sins of many desperate alchemists. "You'd better not go…" he warned the homunculus, even knowing it would be in vain.

At least it made Envy pause before submerging himself into the madness that awaited to grasp him from inside the gate. Edward saw those slender shoulders shake, his head lower ever slightly, and blinked. Only when he heard the soft chuckle – quiet at first escape those lips did he frown. Laughing at him until the end.

The homunculus looked over his shoulder at him, laughing quietly, mockingly. "Are you suddenly worried about me, chibi-san?" A pause, "or maybe you're worried about that abandoning bastard!"

Fullmetal didn't flinch. He did, however, lower his gaze to the white ground beneath them.

"Which one is it, Fullmetal chibi?"

His lips parted…but only a breath came out at first. "…fuck you, Envy. Fuck you."

The bastard only laughed louder and completely turning to face him, held his hands out at his sides. "I already have" he declared loudly in a sing-song, even adding a wink for affect.

"I hate you!" The words were but a venomous whisper escaping his parched lips.

"I love you too, o-chibi-san" the Sin snickered and faced the open gate once more. "Take me to Hohenheim!" he commanded and at once, was grasped by those slithering black arms that engulfed his body into the darkness. Ed glimpsed up just in time to see his morphed figure whisk through the depths into the unknown that lay beyond.

The doors closed, leaving him alone once again. And it was then, finally when there was no one around, when there was _nothing_ to witness his guilt that the tears rolled swiftly down his mildly tanned face. He made no motion to wipe them from his cheeks, it hardly mattered then. Glistening golden eyes looked up at the infinite whiteness above him, not understanding what it was he felt right then and there, not understanding what it was that pulled at his body – no, his soul. Something called to him, something he could not understand. His throat dry, tight, he released a soft, hushed sob even as he felt himself being pulled out of that vast, empty space.

It was then that he understood at last… wet eyes widened in dim comprehension. "What have you done…" he whispered. "Al…"

* * *

You have no idea what it took to write this chapter. -.-;; I put it off for quite a few days because I know how many bucket loads of angst it'd have. I really hope I didn't kill anyone with all the angst…

PS: Happy Valentine's Day. …Yes, I know I'm twisted. XD


	11. Repentance

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: No need to wail anymore, here's another chapter. XD Okay, maybe you can sniffle some more…:shifty look:

**Edit on Feb 23, 05:** Few typos fixed. XD;; Sorry 'bout that. I hardly ever catch my own errors. Also, because I've received a couple of comments concerning it… _this chapter will make little to absolutely no sense if you haven't watched the end of the series! I've moved it beyond the anime plot, but it still refers to things that happened in the previous chapter that are better explained in the series. I'll try to make chapter 12 have some answers to people's questions without giving too much away. And keep in mind that some of the confusion in this chapter is put in on purpose. It'll be explained later, I promise.

* * *

_

**Namida  
**- chapter 11 -  
_Repentance_

It had been blind rage that had led him there. Absolute madness that allowed him to whirl himself through the nightmare-inducing madness in order to reach such a place. The thought of what it would be like, what would happen, what he would do next did not even cross his mind until he found himself engulfed within that endless whirling. The symbolic ouroboros had only aided him in moving faster through the seemingly endless depths, aided in keeping those slimy hands from touching his pale flesh as he moved toward the great unknown.

What Envy had not expected, however, was the clash of thunder above him, the cold rain that would not cease to fall, the hard cold cobblestone upon which he'd been quite literally thrown onto. Every muscle and bone of his body ached miserably; twitched involuntarily even as he attempted to straighten himself up and stand. He found the cuts and scrapes upon his hands not healing – those hands, once slender, pale, adorned with the black cut-off gloves he wore had become something almost…foreign, although he knew they weren't. A faint tan color had returned to them; more masculine features had replaced the androgynous slenderness, and immediately he knew the change had spread throughout his entire form. All he had to do was look at the dripping blonde hair that hung limply over his shoulders.

He cursed the day as he cursed the darkened sky. But more fiercely he cursed the Fullmetal-chibi who had informed him that their father awaited him on this side…wherever this was. Scowling deeply, he attempted to get his unwilling body to move once again, staggering as he leaned upon the drenched nearby wall for support. Envy flinched as his battered hand touched the rough bricks, but stifled any complaints with deadly determination. Glimpsing down at himself, he noticed that the gate had, at least, rewarded him with clothes, outdated as they probably were…

"Are you alright, son?"

Envy whirled, accustomed to the agility of his previous body. It was still there, just…not as defined. Golden eyes narrowed at the voice that emerged, he then saw, from a side door that had been cracked ajar. An aged face peeked out at him, concern welling in those friendly features of the middle-aged woman.

"Fine," he spat harshly and much to his surprise the woman did not react to the foul temperament. Perhaps his voice just didn't carry the same fierceness as it once did. Or…perhaps it had something to do with how raw his throat actually felt, now that he had forced the word from his mouth. A shaky hand was brought up to touch his throat as he swallowed dryly and immediately flinched.

Golden eyes widened sharply as the memory of the gate returned. He only remembered entering that madness, but now upon recalling the event, the rapid tumbling, the hands that grasped and tugged at him, the images that poured into his mind. He had felt his body being ripped apart pieces by pieces, but not completely, never completely to the point that it couldn't restore itself. He heard his own screams in his head and found the reason for the miserably weakened voice that had escaped him.

When he returned to himself, the rain had stopped. Or rather… a ceiling had slid over him. He blinked once, twice and sat up with a jolt, immediately regretting it as the pain shot up his back.

"You should take it easy," that same voice he remembered from before called out to him. He saw her now, glimpsing at him from a side compartment he presumed to be a kitchen due to the banging of dishes that came from within. The thought of food set his stomach rolling loudly. With a slight blush, he wrapped his arms around his stomach, realizing that it was now free of the soaking white shirt he had been previously wearing.

Exhaling quietly, he allowed himself to lean back and lie back down, removing the pressure from his sore body as he did so. Golden eyes shifted up toward the ceiling once more and it was then that it hit him. Envy blinked, then glanced toward the general direction of the kitchen once more from which emerged a muffled, static-filled news relay. He blinked once more as the words floated out toward him, unrecognizable at first. And yet it sounded the same as the words the woman had addressed him with earlier. He was quite certain that it was no language ever used in Amestris, which also left him questioning the possibilities of having understood her previously.

His head hurt – throbbed painfully with a dull thud at every heartbeat that rung loudly in his ears from deep within his chest.

Just…where was he?

Envy lay there, glaring at that ceiling above him, noting the imperfections, the cracks and stains. It was then he also noted that the entire foundation appeared fragile as thin seams ran down the length of the walls.

What…had happened here?

"You look as if you could need something to eat." Those words again, jumbled sounds causing the confusion in his mind to deepen even further and yet…after a moment, he understood some of those words. He could catch their meaning without knowing quite how. His attention was more deeply focused on the steaming bowl of soup that she had set for him on an antique coffee table.

Frowning ever slightly, he sat up, supporting himself against the back of the couch that had become an improvised bed. His stomach rumbled once more and the frown deepened. Glimpsing up at the elderly hostess, he saw her regarding him with a smile – a genuine smile…something…something he had not seen in years. Not like that. He was not supposed to be looked upon with those eyes, with that expression friendliness. However, his stomach was louder than his conscious. "Thanks…" Envy muttered as he reached out for the dark silver spoon and bowl.

Who would have thought that the simple word was enough to change that reaction, the look in those eyes? They no longer held the near-blind friendliness they previously held, but instead an instant apprehension brought by the words of gratitude. Envy did not notice them until he had taken a few spoonfuls into his mouth. He paused mid-motion, glancing up at her in question.

_Was it something I said?_ He wondered dully, confused by the sudden change.

She was quiet for a moment, regarding him closely with obvious scrutiny. "What's your name, boy?"

_"Boy!" She's kidding, right?_ A golden brow was arced at the word choice, but the question itself stirred that deep hatred back to the surface ever so easily. A name he had never again meant to use or even think of. It was not who he was anymore…and yet, considering his given situation and the cursed body he was stuck within at the present moment… "Wilhem ," he muttered, shoving another spoonful of soup in his mouth. "…Elric." He concluded once the heavy broth slid down his throat, warming him better than the blankets that had been thrown over him ever could.

Again she seemed to have been affected by the words and instead of apprehension that sun-wrinkled face now glowered at him. "Don't you dare address me in English, boy!" She reprimanded with the wrath of a grandmother. Envy blinked, her reprimand doing absolutely nothing other than deepening the hole of his confusion. "I'll give you some of my son's clothes once you're done," she nodded at the half-devoured meal. "He looked just like you…so they should fit you just fine…" her tone softened, voice dropped to a hush and she whirled around, bringing fingers to her lips as tears sprung to her eyes. Quick steps led her hurrying from the room.

Envy had never felt so…vulnerable. He was at the mercy of the hospitality of this woman until he could properly move. He remained silent as he ate, exploring the small house with scrutinizing eyes. A shiver ran up his spine, causing him to shudder involuntarily. He'd just barely caught the spoon that had nearly dangled from his hand. Looking down at the scrapped flesh, he felt the disgust brought by the knowledge that he had once again returned to the shell of humanity he so ardently despised.

He no longer felt the source of his power within him. He no longer felt the stone that had given him life. He no longer anything like he once was… It was a frightful sensation, to be…human (how he despised that word!) once again.

-

Armed with nothing other than clean clothes and faltering knowledge of where he was, and only the name of a place he knew he needed to be, Envy ventured into the streets on a mission. The further he walked, the more struck he became by the air of depression, of misery that the city itself seemed to portray. Certain areas where in positive ruins, reduced to ashes and still smoking brick foundations where majestic buildings once stood. He frowned in his ignorance and turned dark golden eyes away from the scenes of horror, ignoring their desperate begging for attention just meters away from his shuddering body.

There was little one could do with just a name, especially when after days of wandering around the devastated city without any guidance beyond the far-away thoughts that sometimes filled his mind with memories he knew were not his own. He had also, at last, made a distinction between the two languages and knew better than to use that which he was accustomed to in this place. The reason behind it was still a mystery.

The nights were cold and the days not that much warmer. The slightly worn clothes his temporary hostess had given him the previous week were just enough to keep him from freezing in the chill that blew from the northeast. Shivering as the said wind blew directly in his face, Envy ducked into a small café. The dusty glass door shut behind him with the faint ring of a bell. Glimpsing around, he saw the small number of occupants staring up at him – a stranger having just appeared the week before. He had never felt so small before such tired gazes. Looking away from those peering eyes, he glided toward the counter, winter boots thudding lightly against the floor.

"Coffee," he stated simply, leaning against the counter as he fumbled with the coins and faint amount of small bills he had managed to scrape up over the last few days. Those pale fingers were chapped and cut from the cold – no longer holding the beauty and elegance they had back in Amestris. But it mattered not, he reaffirmed strongly in his mind. He was here for a reason.

When the too-scalding drink was set in front of him, he offered the scrutinizing shop-keep his palm with his possession of coins. The correct amount was taken from him, the meager rest slipped back into his pocket. The cup was snatched and held between cold hands as he waved his way between the tables to a two-seater by the window. Along the way, a folded newspaper caught the corner of his eye. Blinking at it, he slid the newspaper from the table where it sat untouched and brought it with him to the window seat.

Upon first glance, Envy frowned. _I can't possibly read this_. He muttered silently to himself, and yet as those golden eyes drifted over the front page, the strange-looking words began to make sense. The sentences began to form and create coherent thoughts that conveyed the message that answered all the questions in his mind. He frantically read the header, catching the date.

Munich, February 3, 1919.

The thin pages of the newspaper shook involuntarily in his hands as he peered at the date. At the name of the city. It told him little, but it at least told him that this was definitely not where he wanted to me. Not where he would find Hohenheim.

Had the Fullmetal chibi lied to him even then? Envy scowled and shoved the pages flat on the small table, glowering at the black and white pictures of destruction. He took the time to regain his calm, taking a sip of the cheap coffee only to burn his tongue upon the scalding drink. Flinching, he set the cup down. The instinct to curse and scream and kill something twice over was back, strong as ever – just like he remembered it. And yet…there was little he could do about it now. He'd save that rage, that anger for his true purpose.

If only he knew how to find him…

It was late afternoon by the time he came to himself; the sun had disappeared behind the smoky horizon, leaving him with no more natural light to illuminate those pages that both fascinated him and perplexed him to no end.

There had been a war, he gathered, a great war. Ironically he could not help but think of Ishbal – it being the only war he could relate to in terms of horror. Then again, Ishbal had been nothing more than a massacre, he mused with a small smile. A massacre formulated by them in order to create the Stone that would give them all they wanted. Plans hadn't gone accordingly. But then again, they never did. And for some reason, he couldn't help but consider it Dante's faulty decisions. The thought of her was enough to repulse him. "Mother dearest, where are you now?" Envy muttered quietly under his breath. He did not hate her per se, merely…did not like her. Following some orders was different from bowing at her feet like all the others had done. It disgusted him every time they spoke of her in fear. "Tch!" He shook his head and rested his chin upon his palm, glimpsing out the window at the colorless sky.

And they wondered why he despised him so much. Edward Elric…the little (literally) bastard had all he had ever wanted but was denied. But…he couldn't fool himself any longer. It went behind that. It was never Ed he hated but his father –_ their_ father that had abandoned them both. Envy just did not understand how Ed did not see it in the same light. They were the same deep down. They were the same and yet the alchemist denied it with ardent fury. And because of that he had killed him.

"…" A frown tugged those once smirking lips downward pensively. Yes, he had killed him, stabbed him through with his own transfigured hand; felt the snapping of rips, the puncturing of precious organs, the ripping of flesh and muscle. He had indeed killed him mercilessly and had felt nothing other than blind rage. All of it brought by Ed's demands to see him, to see _this_ goddamned face that told too many secrets, too many memories of the past he wished to forget.

He had killed him when all he had wanted was to kill Hohneheim. He had killed him when he had wanted nothing more than to kiss those scowling lips, hold that small toned body, laugh at the absurdities that sometimes escaped the alchemist's mouth when they were alone and the world did not disturb them.

He had also gotten attached when it was the last thing he had wanted.

The now-cold coffee did nothing to wash away the lump in his throat. He blamed the dampness that glazed his eyes on the foul tasting cold coffee and the tobacco smoke that had blown his way when the outside door was opened to allow someone within the refuge that was the café. He blamed those sensations on the things that surrounded him now and not the thoughts that assaulted him – of those last few words exchanged between them; of the long hours spent dozing peacefully, using the feisty alchemist as a half-reluctant pillow. He blamed the cold crystallized droplet that slid down his cheek to splatter upon the printed pages before him on the cold breeze that had rushed inside through the open door. He blamed them all on those things because he could, by no means, blame them upon himself.

* * *

This one took a bit longer, sorry to keep you all squirming and waiting! Wait…no I'm not. D; Okay, maybe a little. Ahem, but yus, Envy chapter- It was almost enough to make myself sniffle while writing the last third (this was written in three sittings) at the campus' computer lab.

Note on the name Wilhelm: it was historical Hohenheim's father's name. I looked up some background info and found out that historical Hoho-papa looked up to his father and all that, so I saw it fitting to name Envy after his would-be granddaddy. XD;

And another thing, please remember that some of the confusion generated by this chapter is intentional. It'll be explained later, I promise!


	12. Dissonance

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Notes: I have nothing to blame other than pure procrastination for the lack of updates over the last couple of weeks. XD As for warnings…there's the usual amount of angst – Envy angst! And, something unusual for this story: some comical relief and…cuteness. o.o;

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**Namida  
**- chapter 12 -  
_Dissonance_

Nothing would ever compare to the things he'd seen, things he'd been put through in the span of the long bitter year he'd spent trapped in this unknown world so different from his own. As the months weaned on, he had gathered the answers to the terrifying questions that had assaulted him during the first week upon his arrival in Munich. But it still told him little as to why he had made it here, escaping destruction within the gate that had given him birth. It had taken severe amounts of effort to try and…fit in among the mass horde of humans that surrounded him; that knew nothing of his existence; of the stone that he so sought; of the truth behind alchemy, that here was but a foolish fairy tale told to young children to further their naiveté. Fools, all of them, but unfortunately he had no other choice than to assimilate – as much as he could without completely losing his mind to the frustrating lack of answers and paradoxes of the world.

Falling much into the habit of the chibi himself, Envy had taken refuge in one of the public libraries that had survived the massive bombing over the last few years. Old dusty texts told him little of what he had wanted to know, but the little bits of information had allowed him to deduce his own theoretic answers: in order to exist in this world, there must have been a body in this world. As a homunculus he had no soul in Amestris, but somehow, somewhere along the path the gate whirled him through, the soul that had once – over four hundred years ago – resided in this now demolished country had found its way to this shell he had left behind. It would explain his meager understanding of the strange-sounding language he discovered to be German. He had also discovered that English was what was spoken back in Amestris. And in fact, there were several similarities between the two worlds… The biggest difference he could pinpoint to were those of alchemy versus the flying machines he sometimes saw gliding through the dusty-gray skies.

Technology and science and the fables of alchemy, however, did not lead him any closer to his ultimate goal. That goal that through the year had been growing weaker. He had been so focused on finding out what was going on around him that vengeful thoughts of Hohenheim had temporarily slipped his mind. They returned, however, deep in the middle of the night – assaulting his dreams with nightmares he could never get rid of. Every time it was the same – the suffocating pain in his lungs and throat as the poison coursed through him, the icy cold hands of death tugging him from within the overwhelming heat of his fever and his bed. He felt the sweat drip from his temple as he whimpered, golden eyes tightly shut as he wished it away to no avail. And then darkness….followed by those cold, slippery hands within the gate, coaxing him, taunting him, whispering secrets into his ear until he was yanked forth, fed that miserable stone that brought all those memories back with unforgiving force. It was then that he woke up, gasping for air that refused to filter down through his chest; hair in haphazard waves over his shoulders from tossing in his sleep. And every time he would see those warm golden eyes, hidden behind the transparent surface of lenses… Many a time he had shoved the bed covers away and padded out along the cold floor to stare at the window and watch the sunrise above the gray buildings. And even then it wasn't hate he felt but a strange sort of longing, twisting deeply within his gut, leaving him in a mass of further confusion.

Envy exhaled bitterly, slamming one of the old covers shut. The soft thud resonated off the marble walls, disturbing no one but the long bookcases and dust particles that flew from the nearby volumes. If the library weren't already deserted during the day, he'd blame the suffocating silence on the late evening hours. He glimpsed up through the wide windows at the darkening sky that was spreading over the horizon and frowned, realizing that he had spent the greater part of the afternoon secluded in that somber place. His stomach rumbled and his stomach deepened. He was gradually running out of funds and the inflation was not getting any better. It was a merry day when he managed to get more than a thin sandwich to nibble on at lunchtime.

He hadn't had many merry days in the last few months. Not even the bright, long sunny days seemed to cheer this melancholic city. It was more of a communal feeling of sorrow that had descended upon the country than necessarily the outrageous prices people were forced to pay in order to get a reasonable meal. His thoughts of traveling to England had been long put on hold because of this very same reason. Left with nothing other than his nightmares and the limited amount of printed information, his days were long and positively restless.

Feeling the need to escape the closed in surroundings, he picked up the two volumes he'd found worthy of his time and pulling the light black coat off the back of his chair, strode downstairs to the circulation desk.

"Will this be all today, Mr. Elric?" the receptionist inquired, cheerful as ever. He couldn't help wonder if she was really that good of an actress. Nodding dully, he handed her the worn card only to have it waved away. She knew him – how could she not, when he had frequented the empty halls practically everyday for the past five months? He willed a faint smile out of sheer politeness and watched her add the titles to her records. In the beginning she used to ask him about his seeming fascination with alchemy. His evasive answers left her even more curious but after a few weeks, she gave up trying to pry his interest from him. Thankfully.

The night was comfortably cool – a northern breeze blew through the streets to cool off the afternoon's blasting July heat. It was then that he heard it, above the soft thudding of his footsteps upon the cobblestone floors. A cheerful and perky…mew.

Envy blinked, paused and looked around. His golden brows furrowed. "Not you again!"

The object of reprimand came bouncing toward him, leaping off a parked car onto the street, which it crossed hastily in order to reach him. The perky black kitten rubbed against his legs, its white tipped tail whisking to and from in the air in its contentment to find its adopted owner. Envy watched it…the glare melting into a look of pure amusement. It was like this every night ever since the kitten had found him the previous week. It'd track him down and follow him all the way home where it would then demand whatever milk he could spare with loud mewling. Envy had no choice but to give in. And once he had done it the first time, he was doomed thereafter.

Sighing lightly, he continued toward his small rented apartment. "Come on, Bean." He called it and at once, the furry creature followed him, leaping every once in a while in order to keep the pace.

The name had been given just out of sheer amusement. The cat hadn't reminded him of Fullmetal and yet…it had been the first thing he had thought of when the little thing had made it a habit of following him home. It had been, too perhaps, a way to have something of Ed still around… a constant presence that'd follow him home every night, much in the habit of their meetings seemingly years ago. Besides, he missed having something cute and tiny to tease.

Envy snickered quietly at the thought and ascended the steps to the third floor apartment, checking behind him to see Bean dashing up the stairs behind him. The key rattled in the lock for a moment until he was able to finally shove it open. The furry thing sprinted inside darting for the kitchen where he knew his meal was kept.

"Don't waste anytime, do you?" He noted with some amusement. "You even have his appetite…"

It did him absolutely no good to linger his thoughts on such things, but when the pale-eyed kitten pawed at the small off-white fridge for the milk he suspected to be hidden within it, Envy couldn't help the soft chuckle that escaped his lips. Maybe the furry thing did differ from the Fullmetal-chibi. The alchemist would have never been caught dead pawing at anything for a drop of milk.

Snickering quietly to himself, he shut the heavy door behind him, turning the top lock once before padding inside the all-too-warm apartment. The books were dropped on a low coffee table that had been overrun with notes and dusty volumes long ago. Two more wouldn't hurt, he mused, though glimpsed at it dubiously as the rickety thing groaned under the added weight. Paying it no further mind, he tossed the light coat over the burgundy colored two-seater sofa on his way to the small corner he considered a kitchen. Bean had jumped upon the counter by then, pawing at him with every chance he had. The bowl was rinsed, refilled with the cool milk the animal so craved and set on the floor. Envy did not have to encourage the little thing as it leapt down, coming to a skidding halt right before it tumbled over its meal and began lapping at it furiously.

It wasn't until he caught himself leaning against the counter, watching that furry bundle that he tore his eyes away from the sight, and in the process slammed a wall down on his diverting thoughts in order to attend to his own rumbling stomach.

-

This had been the last place he had ever thought of ending up. And as he sat there, staring at the mercilessly bright sun, Ed cursed the events that had brought him here. Fuming silently, he turned away from the cheerful ball of fire, long golden ponytail swinging behind him, reflecting every ray of that gorgeous sunshine that did nothing to cheer his spirits.

"How long are you going to sit there brooding?" the deep familiar voice brought him out of his reverie with a start. He glared weakly at the older image of himself, but upon catching the lightheartedness plastered so visibly on those features, he exhaled in defeat.

It had been a year since Ed had given up everything without a second's hesitation, without selfish consideration of even his own life in order to bring his little brother back from the reaches of the Gate. He had thought of sacrificing everything and yet… he had been whirled back into London, colliding harshly with the reality that he might have not succeeded and now was stuck in a world not his own, no longer able to return at the price of the life he inhabited. The truth hit him hard every time he looked in the cloudy mirror they had in the bathroom and he saw his own reflection staring back at him. There was no known way out of here, but stubborn as he was, the idea would not leave his mind. He was thankful, at least, for having been thrown back into London where his father had found him once again. At least he had someone he knew on this strange side of the gate where flying machines soared the sky and haunted his dreams every once in a while.

He muttered something in response, which only got him a hearty laugh. Hohenheim was like that, he had discovered. Even after so long, he was still the same he remembered him as a child. Never once had he appeared bothered by the fact that Ed had hated him for so long. Never once had he blamed him for that hate, but always himself. And eventually…he had learned to forgive him and see that the hateful picture he had in his mind for so long was a false assumption of someone that had truly cared for his family and left for those very same reasons. More than once he had been tempted to question his father about Envy's existence. And every time he faltered just as he was about to mention the topic. The last thing he wanted was to cause more arguments than they already had on a regular basis, merely due to their differences and years apart. He did not need to excavate into a history that dwelt on centuries past. Just that thought alone was enough to cause all those questions to shut themselves up. The least he thought of his father as someone that had made use of the Philosopher's Stone to prolong his own life just as Dante had done, the least worries he had. It was safer to keep it that way. And thus…he never asked.

Yet…it was hard to forget the fact he had an older half-brother he knew nothing of. He knew the being that had been created through alchemy – he knew the homunculus named Envy, but he knew nothing of the mortal man that had lived four centuries ago.

"Are you even listening to me, Edward?"

"Uh?" Again, caught deep in thought. That happened far too frequently lately.

Hohenheim cast him a curious look but knew better than to question the dark thought that ran through his son's mind. "I'm going ahead to confirm our reservations. Hurry up and meet me at the port when you're ready."

Ed nodded quietly, nudging his suitcase to the side as he pried the last bit of clothing from the mattress he had been utilizing as a bed for the past year. He heard the front door close lightly, leaving him alone to his thoughts. Golden eyes glimpsed up toward the window and that goddamn sunny sky and he sighed. Warm fingers slammed the suitcase shut and fastened the buckles. With the limited movement he had been left with his destroyed automail, he grabbed the handle right-handed. After double-checking that nothing was being left behind, Ed silently slipped from the apartment, letting the door slide shut behind him. They would not be returning there anytime soon, if ever. The decision to sail to the continent had been made some months ago. He had had no objections – quite on the contrary, it would allow him to further his research. He would find a way home if it were the last thing he did. The ship would sail in a couple of hours, landing them in northern France, from which they would head east toward Germany. He had found the decision strange, but offered no resistance. After all, anywhere in Europe at that time was as desolate as the next place.

There was no sadness as he climbed up the steps to the ship, even as he saw the tears on the eyes of many: couples separating from one another, families seeing sons and daughters off, long-time friends hugging for the last time in many years. Ed was no part of the sorrowful festivities as he climbed away from the crowd and tears. He caught sight of his father on the deck, speaking quietly with one of the crew and paid it no mind. For reasons he was not quite fully aware of, his father had managed to attain quite a number of important connections in the country. He had grown used to it and thus, walked by, nodding only to announce his presence before climbing below the deck to the cabin they had reserved for the long trip. The sooner they set sail, the better. There had been something about walking through that thick crowd of goodbyes that had left a dark cloud above his head; a foreboding feeling he could not explain.

Maybe, just maybe, it had been nice to have had someone there to say goodbye to. Maybe he had gotten used to the one or two people that had always come to see him and Al off when they retreated on their train travels. Maybe it was something else, an unexplained loneliness he had been ignoring all along.

* * *

Here we go, a little bit of everything this time around. XD Envy angst, mild crackness as a result of kitties and mild Ed angst. Should appease to everyone. :snicker: 


	13. Behind Closed Doors

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Notes & Warnings: I've received a couple of comments regarding spoilers, so I'll say this again **– if you haven't watched through the end of the series, some of this will make no sense. That in mind, of course there will be spoilers! They are not many, but they are big. If you've gotten this far in story, however you probably won't be seeing any new ones.

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**

**Namida  
**- chapter 13 -  
_Behind Closed Doors_

It was raining again. Not even in the summer was there any rest. The drizzling rain threatened to soak everything it touched, while it merely sprinkled annoying droplets over all exposed surfaces. Envy didn't think he could ever truly get used to it. But there was no use complaining about the miserable rain when Bean demanded all he attention he could snatch out of him that morning. Like every other morning. Sometimes ignoring the furry bundle of cuteness was effective, but not this particular morning. It was one of those days that he wanted nothing more than hide beneath the covers until the sun came out to run away with the heavy lethargic weight that kept him there. But the damn cat had other plans. When the mewling didn't work, the kitten had hopped onto the bed and proceeded to waltz up and down along his sprawled body in attempt to make him move. There couldn't have been greater success.

"Alright, alright!" he muttered, throwing the covers off and effectively onto the kitten. He blinked at the spazzing bump under the covers as it struggled to see its way out and snickered with mock maliciousness.

It was past 10am when he faced the antagonizing rain cloud outside. Hiding beneath the protection of a deep grey umbrella, he moved along the cobblestone sidewalks toward the café he had made a habit of taking his second coffee and reading whatever news he could find at.

The thin morning cloud sat scattered at the tables and counter. The owner, already having acquainted him long ago, greeted him with the usual cheerful smile before setting a mug of steaming coffee on the counter for him. "You're later than usual today."

"It's one of those days," he muttered quietly, taking a sip of the steaming, caffeinated drink.

The reply drew a chuckle from the owner as he handed him the morning paper. "Nothing interesting today. Just some story about a famed Professor Hohenheim having returned from England," he commented offhandedly.

Golden eyes widened, the coffee burned as he choked on it, hastily swallowing it down. "Hohenheim!" he demanded, disbelief echoing through his voice.

The older man blinked at him, a bit confused by the sudden outburst. "That's what it says…" he flipped through the inky pages. "There," he pointed at the small article. It even had a picture.

He pulled the pages toward him, eyes devouring the printed words. They were meaningless to him… all the information was there. He was back. He was here. Envy glimpsed at the picture, staring down at the black and white representation of the man he had chased for so long. Unchanged as always. He gripped the mug tightly, feeling his hand shake slightly under the pressure. It was then that his eyes caught it…in the background, mostly cut off from the image…the whisk of a long ponytail photographed from behind, and what appeared to be…automail?

Envy laughed at his own stupidity and shook his head, slamming the pages shut on the article. There was no such thing as automail in this world. _Seeing things that aren't there…you've got it good, Envy_. He told himself with a bitter chuckle.

He felt the intense, curious look of the café owner upon him, perplexed, wanting to ask but unsure as to whether it was safe to do so. The question died on his lips as Envy peered up at him – the gaze demanding silence. The last thing he wanted was to have to explain himself. Not with this…definitely not with this. Thus, saying nothing more on the subject, he dropped the appropriate amount of Marcs on the counter before slinking away, secluding into the deep reaches of his thoughts.

-

"Was all that truly necessary?" Ed muttered for the third time in less than twenty-four hours since they had set dock. All the attention was making him edgy. It had been a while since he'd been the center of attention – well, he wasn't even the center of attention in this case, but it made him edgy nevertheless: too many people looking, questioning.

"I'm afraid there isn't much of a choice…"

"Sure there is. Next time I see those goddamn reporters coming, I'm going to keep walking and let you handle all the spotlight."

Hohenheim merely chuckled lightly at him and shook his head. "Get settled in and feel free to explore. I'll be back this evening."

Edward merely nodded, pulling his meager belongings out of his trunk until he heard the front door close, leaving him in silence.

This city was not so different from the rainy London he had gotten used to over the last year. The feeling was different, however. There was an underlying bitterness in the air; an overwhelming sense of melancholy that only war could bring. Edward could see it in their eyes – just as he had once seen it in the red eyes of Ishbalans he had encountered so many times before. It was the look he had seen in Scar's eyes, beneath all the hatred. Even here there was hatred, but it wasn't so focused – there was more of a feeling of injustice. Sometimes it was best no to think of it; thoughts of Ishbal and Amestris only sunk him into the same melancholic thinking he encountered on the streets. It had taken some time, but he had managed to fool his own consciousness into not reverting back to those memories; instead he focused on getting back, of finding a way out of this strange world and back to his own – back to the memories that haunted him in the night.

"Get a grip…" he muttered to himself with a shake of his head, which sent the long pony tail whisking against the nape of his neck. Hands shoved into the deep pockets of his pants, Ed continued walking; exploring the somber town that had become his new residence until they decided to move again, or he came upon useful information that would lead him in different directions. After four years of never remaining in one place longer than a few months at a time, Ed found it strange even having a house to call his own, having a bed to sleep in instead of the wooden seat of a rumbling train. Even having his father to come home to every night was something that had taken some getting used to. Their relationship had been shaky at first, but he knew the truth. And despite having felt so much hate for so many years, he understood and accepted it. All that there had been left was breaking the habit of hating him.

His thoughts were interrupted as golden eyes spotted an information sign that immediately caused him to perk up and cheer his spirits.

Munich Munincipal Library to the left.

Edward broke into a run along the sidewalk; expertly avoiding other pedestrians and the ball-throwing game of a small group of kids in order to reach the intersection. Bright glistening eyes searched frantically as he took the left turn, zooming along the less-crowded street until – there it was, in all its majestic glory, the possible answer to his biggest dilemma.

He ascended the marble steps quickly, quietly, boots thudding lightly against the newly washed stone. At the circulation desk, he received the necessary information that led him to the several scientific and technological archives upon which he greatest secrets of recent developments were revealed before his eyes.

Maybe the move hadn't been so bad, after all, he mused to himself, buzzing with excitement as he tugged one of the stepstools toward the high shelf. His mind went blank second later as he ascended the dark metal stepstool…and gazed up at the desired thick leather-bound volume. Stretching his left hand up, he barely reached it fumed inwardly.

"This has to be a freaking joke!" He flailed momentarily, glaring at the book whose innocence did not save it from the vertically challenged alchemist's wrath. After glimpsing around to make sure he had not called attention to himself, Ed hopped, snatching the edge of the binding just in time to pull it down. And thus, regaining his composure under the sense of victory, climbed down as he already flipped through the pages.

"Will this be it?" the cheerful voice of the librarian echoed lightly.

"For now, yes," he nodded, not looking up from the card he filled out with the proper information that would give him access to much sought resources. Fleshy digits slid it across the counter to her moments later.

"All right, Mr. Elric" she paused, blinking at the neat left-handed writing on the card before peering up at him only to blink once more.

"Something wrong?" Ed arced a brow curiously.

"No, of course not." The cheerful smile returned. She stamped back slip and slid the texts toward him. "They'll be due at the end of the month."

"Thank you," he muttered quietly, intrigued by the librarian's hesitation at the sight of his name. He supposed it had been all over the newspapers ever since their arrival, but usually the newscast referred to his father by his first name. Tucking the books under his arm, he padded away from the desk toward the main entrance. Even as he climbed down the steps he could feel the girl's gaze on his back. It was unnerving. He hurried his pace.

-

Where was he? Where was he?

For hours he had wandered the streets in hope he could catch a glimpse of that familiar face; catch one sight, one word of his whereabouts and yet luck had not been on his side – or anywhere near him, for that matter. Even now, knowing he was in the same goddamn city, Hohenheim still managed to elude him.

The bastard.

Tired and fed up with his lack of success, Envy headed home. Sulking with fuming rage in a way only he could muster, he stalked toward the humble apartment house as the sun attempted to cheer him through its last dying rays above the high buildings.

The key turned in the lock and Bean came to welcome him home with a happy mew. The small animal dashed across the floor toward him, rubbing its little black furred head against his legs as Envy tried to close the door.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked, picking the kitten up to carry it away from the door. Bean purred and curled up in his arms, nuzzling against his chest sleepily. "You stalk me on the street one day and now you're taking up residence?" Envy muttered, scratching behind its white-tipped ears. "Demanding little thing, aren't you?"

It was amazing how such a simple being could calm that frustration and rage that had previously consumed him. Envy plopped it down on the bed as he sat to undo the laces of his boots. Golden eyes then caught something – a simple white daisy lying on the floor. He blinked, arcing a brow and looked at the slumbering kitten. Maybe it had taken a stroll during his absence after all. He plucked the single flower from the floor and set it on the nightstand with a faint chuckle.

If Lust were to see him now… he wasn't sure whether the fellow homunculus would be amused or downright scared. The though made him snicker.

A little furry head nudged at his side and he realized that the laughter must have woken Bean up. The kitty gazed up at him with those pale yellow eyes, pawing at his arm, which only succeeded in getting his claws caught on the thin sleeve. Envy cringed the sharp claws that used his arm as a scratching post as Bean flailed to get himself free.

"Must you also be as clumsy as the chibi?" he sighed and steadied the white paw to unhook the claws from his shirt and abused skin.

Maybe because it was a hyper, clumsy, hungry little thing was why he tolerated its presence. He would never admit it to being so, however. But behind closed doors where no one saw him, it was safe to linger his gaze upon the kitten and think of that blonde hair, that sharp tongue and short temper. Envy smiled lazily, catching himself petting the loudly-purring Bean that had sprawled out on the bed beside him.

Behind closed doors it was all right. Just it had been all right to devour those lips and skin with rough, demanding kisses that had been returned. Just like it had been all right to take that partly automated body to his own, to consume it and lay claim upon him with every touch and thrust of hips that sent shivers over both of their backs and groans to be drawn from their throats.

Yes, behind closed doors everything was fine. Just like it had always been.

The morning came quickly, painfully so. But at least it wasn't raining again. The lazy sun peeked out from behind white clouds, casting shadows over the streets that moved gradually as pushed by the breeze.

His morning routine returned as unhurried steps lead him toward the small café. It was more crowded than usual, he noticed upon walking through the threshold. It was also Sunday, he reminded himself dully. The days had begun to merge into one another, leaving him to float through the hours with only a mild recollection of what was taking place in the world around him.

The routine felt just like what it was: something meaningless he did in order to pass the time until his brain properly woke up for the remaining of the day. The caffeine helped. Even the few interesting articles in the paper sometimes helped. But this morning, his mind still dozed – probably in order to spare him the humiliation of being so close to his objective and having gotten nowhere fast.

Annoyed by the trajectory his thoughts were taking, Envy hastily finished the strong coffee, somehow avoiding burning his tongue on the hot drink as he rose to abandon his usual seat and venture into the outside world. He would ask around, if it came to that. Someone was bound to know _something_.

The plans that had just formulated and mapped themselves out so neatly in his mind was scattered and tossed to the wind immediately as he opened the café door and the warm morning breeze greeted him. Instead of walking into open space, his slender body collided harshly with the human wall of resistance that had stepped into his path.

"Umph!" he grunted, staggering back a couple of steps. "Watch where you're going, twerp!" he spat angrily in the flawless German he had perfected over the long months.

He would have been happy to side-step the damn kid. However, the bastard didn't bother moving out of the way. It was only then that Envy took the time to look up at him, mouth open and ready to fire off a string of curses. The words were frozen, however, choked in his suddenly tight throat. He met those matching golden eyes, wide in surprise, watched the disbelief that had spread over his face only to remain.

The picture…the article in the newspaper…the crossing from England…the picture… It all flooded his mind in a rush of information and emotion he wasn't able to shut down.

"Ed…" he gasped breathlessly.

"You…" was the only word Ed could muster as he stared into that face – so unfamiliar and yet nightmarishly familiar through the short second he had been graced with it before seeing his own death. "You…" he repeated, stepping backward and further into the sidewalk. "You bastard!" he finally exploded half-coherently as tears stung his eyes.

Envy blinked, and then glared at the heart-warming reception. It wasn't surprising, however. He had expected nothing other than curses and anger – even if he had realistically given up on the idea of ever experiencing such a reunion. He had killed him, after all and saw it nearly every night in his dreams. Even if those dreams then rewarded him with a different version of the reunion between them, it was unrealistic and foolish to ever consider it possible.

"Tch!" he hissed and stepped forward. The door closed behind him, thankfully removing the attention they had gathered from inside the establishment. He planned to walk right past him, ignore the twerp lest he said or did something he would later regret. The idea had even been a damn good one, however, the sharp left-handed punch that slammed hard into his jaw, sending him a few steps backward had not been part of said plans. It also sent out subliminal messages that the chibi had different plans. His jaw throbbed, skin blazing under his fingers. He could taste blood in his mouth, and glared.

"Don't you just walk away from me!"

"And why not?" Envy returned, the anger bubbling beyond the low simmer he had managed to keep it at. "What do you want from me? What more could you possibly want?"

Ed blinked, taken back by the outburst. The moment of vulnerable surprise was short-lived and replaced by furrowed brows. Stubborn as ever. "You owe me."

"I…what?"

"You owe me! Al sacrificed his life to revive me. He sacrificed all we worked for all this time because of you!"

Envy was forced into silence. He remembered that moment; the dangerous glow of activating alchemy that had brought him to the gate and eventually here. So it had worked… the Philosopher's Stone had truly worked after all. But that didn't answer as to… "Why are you here?"

The alchemist blinked, eyes glazed by unshed tears of frustration, anger, perhaps even sadness. "W-what?"

"Why are you _here_?" He hated having to repeat himself…

"I…tried to get him back again…"

_Dear gods, the vicious cycle never ended!_ "Are you that stupid!" he shouted, caring not for the attention it drew them both. "Didn't you learn the first time around!" Envy took satisfaction of watching him flinch. "How could you do _that_ again…" he shook his head, disgusted and whirled, showing the fool his back as he walked away.

"What if it worked…" he heard Fullmetal mutter indignantly, protecting his actions.

"And what if it didn't?" was his only cold answer before walking on, his teeth grit together as he heard the footsteps follow him only seconds later.. "Leave me alone, Edward."

The name visibly jarred the younger man. He was far too stubborn, however to give up. Far too stubborn to actually listen to someone when there was more argument left in his small system. And thus, after a moment's hesitation, he jogged slightly to try and keep up, making a successful grab at Envy's shirtsleeve. "What part of 'leave me alone' do you not understand?"

"I couldn't not do anything and go on ignoring the reason as to why I was alive!"

"Oh, why not?" he purred maliciously. "You're good at the ignoring game."

The blonde alchemist frowned at the visible bitterness Envy still felt over what had happened between them. It was amazing he had not done something stupid by then…like try to jump him right where they were…

"Wh-…how did you get here?"

It took the once-homunculus a moment as his brain switched gears to comprehend the sudden topic change. The chibi obviously did not want to go back into the past. Ironic, really. "I went through the bloody gate, what the hell do you think?" he had absolutely no patience for an interrogation or to be the guinea pig subject of the alchemist's burning curiosity.

"But you…"

A bitter laugh interrupted him. Envy snickered, though the sound that escaped him was nothing close to amusement as it grew in volume so did it heighten the lack of hilarity of the situation. He sobered up almost immediately as he set eyes upon the chibi. It was beginning to take real effort to keep that cold distance. It was becoming difficult to listen to the rational side of his brain that told him to walk away and just keep walking, and that maybe he would wake up in the morning and find it all to be a dream. The other side of his brain, however, told him to do something irrational like punch the misplaced unreasonable frustration out of his face for example.

Okay, perhaps it wasn't unreasonable frustration…he had died at his hand, after all. But at least shut those questions up. Do something that would make him disappear once and for all. He had once hoped for this moment…where he could see him once more, kiss those lips once more, feel the warmth that radiated from that lightly tanned flesh once again and yet, here they were in the middle of the street on a mildly cloudy Sunday morning in Munich, Germany, going back and forth between argument and pure curiosity, which emerged from both of their lack of knowledge from this mysterious and strange world.

He supposed he could sympathize with the questions, after all he had been nothing even closely resembling human beneath the surface and yet, here he was in one solid piece, alive and well and in that despicable form he had tried so hard to forget. He could imagine Ed's confusion, but that did not mean he would sit there and answer his every question.

And then it hit him.

"Where is he?"

Edward was thrown off by the quick change of subjects, by the laughter that died so abruptly upon his sneering lips. "Wha—"

"Hohenheim of Light, where is he!"

Ah yes, those were the magic words. Envy saw the widening of golden eyes, the momentary panic that crossed those features. So he knew. He knew and wouldn't tell him. This much was certain from his reaction alone. It infuriated him that after all this time, after having gone through the exact same thing – that feeling of abandonment he would still protect the bastard.

Long digits reached out, twisting into the collar of Ed's white shirt, only to tug him closer. "I know he's here. I saw it in the paper. Where is he, chibi-san?"

"Give it up, Envy…" he sounded almost…sad; showing a pity the once-homunculus despised ardently.

"Why should I when he is the reason I'm here!"

"You came here because you wan-"

"I came here because he deserves to die for what he's done to me! What he's done to us!"

It was then that Ed shook out of that angry grip, pushing that hand away with his left one. "Don't include me in your vendetta. I don't want any part of it."

Silence reigned for a few moments, until Envy stepped back. "Fine," he spat.

"Can't you even accept the idea that the world might not just be all out to get you?"

"Spare me the lecture, chibi-san," he looked away, staring at the cobblestones that make up the sidewalk off to the side.

"No, I'm not going to spare you the goddamn lecture, you selfish bastard!" Edward snapped angrily, glaring up at him, which created a rather humorous sight for a passer-by to witness. "Maybe if you were to stop thinking about yourself for a minute, you'd realize that the reason you're here," he emphasized his point with a sharp jab of fingers into Envy's upper chest. "is because he cared enough to risk everything to bring you back!"

The audacious little…

"Maybe if you weren't so goddamn blind you'd see that he _loved_ yo"

Something snapped within him and Envy reached out, tangling his fingers around Ed's shirt for the second time that morning and sharply tugged him close. "Would _you_ love me? Would you look into these murderous eyes and feel something other than hate and shame?"

Lips parted, golden eyes widening in surprise, taken back by the question. But before Fullmetal even had a chance to release the breath that had been held in his lungs, a finger was pressed to his lips, silencing any possible words.

"No, don't answer it. Don't say anything, it doesn't matter. Run home to papa," he shoved him back – a rejected China doll, abandoned in the warm morning sun that highlighted the golden strands of his hair, swinging in the faint breeze that rustled at his clothes, swept against his face and wide eyes, blank, staring at the tense back and whisking golden waves...

He had turned in time, turned right before Ed could see the turmoil that raged in Envy's eyes; before he could see the emotion that rippled beneath the surface of cold, hardened features.

He had already said too much…

* * *

Longest chapter yet. Phew. But a lot has happened that should, hopefully, answer a few questions…and raise some more. XD 'Cause I'm evil like that. :grin: By the way, this chapter has a title page, which you can see over on my DeviantArt page (handle: anda-chan). 


	14. Smitten

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.

Author's Notes: Sorry to keep you all waiting! XD; Muses go on vacation when I do, unfortunately. But here you are…some more Bean sillyness and…possibly the return of what some of you have been waiting for…. :shifty look:

* * *

**Namida  
**- chapter 14 -  
_Smitten_

Alive. He was alive. The bastard was alive and well after all this time. The bastard had survived the gate – whatever process had brought him here. He had survived a year in this strange world without anyone else to guide him in its ways, in its customs, in its language. He had survived and all the while Edward had considered him lost – in more than the obvious ways.

He had never expected to see that face again; that face so hauntingly resembling his own, though slightly older, without the androgynous qualities Envy had became known for at first. There was nothing of the homunculus in him now – with the exception of his name – what name did he use now a days? – and that ever present attitude that jarred him and mystified him all at once. The graceful movements had been different, less fluid, and more…human. But he could not think of that transmuted being as anything even resembling human, as cold as it sounded even in his own head.

His head, however, was but a jumbled confusion of chaotic feelings and words as he watched the golden head disappear into the morning crowd and eventually completely from sight onto the unknown streets Envy obviously knew so well. Edward stood there, staring unseeingly at the space where he had once stood, so close; feeling the strong grasp of rough fingers around his shirt; the warm breath that escaped ever-kissable lips as he leaned so close to scold him and scowl with cruel words that cut right through him. Cruel words that carried more meaning he could have ever expected out of the little bastard.

The little bastard that had killed him, no less.

Fingers instinctively ascended to touch the wide spot in his chest where the ugly scar would have been had it not been for Al returning him from the blinding whiteness of the gate. Al… if only he could see him now: torn over harsh words and standing there like a love-sick puppy, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to feel – the anger and hatred had always been the easier emotion to portray…even if it hadn't always been the truth. There had been words left unsaid in the nights he had willingly – Ed visibly cringed at the thought – spent in the bastard's arms. Thoughts that ran through his head, but never said, never uttered to the slumbering Sin beside him.

He would never admit it, either. Not even to himself. He was not that foolish as to get attached and yet…he had, despite the false charade of angry words and thrown punches. He had been angry with him, but the hate had dwindled in the fiery nights his body had been set ablaze with unspeakable pleasure.

Ed shuddered at the memories that infiltrated his mind and shook his head, forcing his tired body to move. His previous intention of retiring into the café and gathering some information as well as some warm source of caffeine was dismissed as he hurried back the way he had come. His books would give him solace; he convinced himself, would clear his mind for a few hours…

-

"Ugh!" the desperate shout accompanied a short string of vicious curses as one of the notebooks he had invested in gracefully flew across the room. Had it been thrown two seconds later, it would have met not the wall, but a more human wall as Hohenheim peeked through the door that had been left ajar. Those mellow golden eyes blinked at the notebook that flopped on the floor, and then up at his son that sat fuming on the small couch, head buried in his fleshy hand.

"Stick to destroying only notebooks this time…" he dared break the static silence.

Ed's lack of response encouraged him to push the door the rest of the way open and step inside. The abandoned and abused notebook was gathered from the floor; the pages flipped as he crossed toward the fuming alchemist. "What seems to be the problem?"

Silence. He saw those shoulders stiffen and twitch. Hohenheim frowned and dropped the thin and mostly clear notebook on the coffee table that had been overrun by library volumes. Ed remained still, though visibly twitching. "Care to tell me what's wrong now?"

"No."

The frown deepened. He shook his head, readjusting his glasses high upon the bridge of his nose. Edward's attitude was usually like this when it came to his desperate research, but he could tell there was more to it this time. However, he had long ago learned that there was no reasoning with him at times like this and retreated quietly, shutting the door behind him.

Ed still twitched; still fumed; still kept his eyes tightly shut against his palm.

So much for clearing his thoughts through research…

-

"Shut up, Bean…" Envy muttered, but the words didn't carry as much venom as he stroked a hand along the soft furry back of his feline companion. He was in no mood for the attention-seeking kitten. He was in no mood for much of anything, really…

Part of him now wished that he _had_ killed the vertically challenged brat. Or rather, that he had _remained_ dead and out of reach… he wouldn't have had to resort to sitting at his kitchen table, staring at the opposing wall while idly stroking the soft fur coat of a wandering kitten that had decided to make _him_ owner. …regardless of the fact that wasn't that unusual of him to do such things on random occasions, but definitely for different reasons he did not care to disclose or admit at the present moment. The idea that the chibi was alive and well, with a mouth on him and even seemingly taller – just a couple of centimeters, really – was not something that he had prepared himself for. Quite on the contrary! He had finally convinced himself that such a thing would never happen and that he would just have to go on living in this hellhole of a place where he knew nothing and no one.

So much for peaceful and quiet vengeance. At this point he even doubted there would be such pleasurable vengeance; not when Ed was here as well and would do all he could to protect that deserting bastard of a father they had. And to top it all off, he had been a pure _idiot_ by uttering the words that had played out in his head for well over a year. Actually allowing them to be said to the chibi's face; admitting that he wasn't just some mass of created matter that warped through the gate some four centuries ago to take the world down with him.

Perhaps not the world…just Hohenheim of Light.

…and at that moment one year ago, his son as well. Minor details, really…

"S'what he gets for breaking a murderer's heart." Envy muttered, a wicked sense of humor carried through his bitter words. The constant nudging at his hand brought him back to the small, warm kitchen with a start. He blinked at the kitten that, in turn, stared up at him seemingly worried; if it could even feel worry, or anything resembling it for that matter. Perhaps the solitude was starting to get to his head. All it wanted was attention. Not that Envy could blame it, really. However much he hated to admit it, the kitten had been the best thing that had happened to him since the time he came whirling out of the gate. It wasn't human company, but in some ways it was better – it didn't scream at you, it didn't require sessions of conversation (most of the time it was Envy who ranted to the poor thing), it definitely was no where near as annoying as a human being could be. All in all it had been an act of god – somewhere up above – that the thing had taken a likeness toward him.

Sitting there, however, would bring him absolutely no good. He could not keep hiding forever and had no plan to do so. Envy had retreated due to his own idiotic big mouth that had dug him a hole bigger than he could ever possibly avoid falling into. Fall he did; and kept falling. The look in those golden eyes as he stated such words was enough to see mirrored in them the mistake he had made. At least Ed had been left as confused as Envy had felt.

He stood at last, much to Bean's regret since it seemed to know that the petting treatment would now cease. Fingers ran through long wavy strands of golden, pulling them out of his gaze momentarily as a breath escaped pale lips. _Since when have I gotten so weak?_ He thought viciously and whirled, stalking to the door in such a manner that it almost resembled his previous homunculus form. Fingers slid over the dark doorknob as he snatched the keys from the nearby table. The door was yanked open and for the second time that weekend, he stopped dead on his tracks to meet an almost mirror image of himself that stared up, just as surprised by his appearance.

Behind him Bean mewed and ran forward to rub against his legs.

Time hung still; fingers twitched around the doorknob he held so tightly. Brows furrowed, lips upturned into a scowl, his body tensed. "Get out."

"Envy wait..!" Edward called, putting up a hand to stop the door that was closing far too quickly. The quick reaction only caused another scowl from Envy; the comment itself deserved a bitter chuckle.

"Wait? Wait for what, chibi-san?" He waved a hand; the keys jingled between his fingers.

Bean padded forward to inspect the visitor. After circling Ed twice, it decided that the alchemist couldn't be a foe and dared forth to nudge at his leg.

Ed had barely just opened his mouth when Envy intervened once again. "Quit it, Bean!"

"Justwhothehelldoyouthinkyou'recallingbeannowallofasudde"

"…_not_ you for once, chibi-san." Envy cut him off after a few moments, mirth returning to his eyes. How long it had been since he'd seen Ed flail and spazz like that. He still wondered how he could possibly go on such a quick rant in one breath all the time. He was even more amused by the puzzled reaction his response received. Taking a step forward, he leaned down – watching Ed's eyes widen as he did so – and picked up Bean. The cat mewed appreciatively at all the attention he was receiving today. "Now get out," he finalized, pushing the door shut as he turned around to retire inside. Again.

Only this time, Ed was daring enough to shove the door open once more and waltz inside uninvited. The door did slam shut, but only once Fullmetal had found his way inside. Envy paused and peered over his shoulder. And as did Bean, tail flicking to and fro in the air as he crawled up Envy's shoulder to look at this new intruder.

"I don't care what you think of next to insult me with, but I am not goin"

"I named the cat Bean," Envy explained nonchalantly as he padded toward the windows that faced out onto the street, putting as much distance between himself and the chibi. He would have preferred if Ed had taken the hint and for once chosen not to be stubborn. But he realized it was far too much to ask at that point. Thus, Envy settled for staring down the two floors into the street, without really seeing anything; fingers idly petted the purring kitten draped lazily (not to mention rather contently) over his shoulder. Through the reflection of the mildly dusty glass he could see Ed's reaction to the name… a fusion of disbelief, amusement, honor and indignant glaring.

"Never knew you to have a sense of humor." The alchemist muttered as he crossed his arms – as best of his ability – over his chest.

"You never knew me at all…"

The hushed response caused Ed's glare to falter; the words to hang on lightly parted lips. Envy was just full of surprises, it seemed. He even surprised himself as the words escaped them. Perhaps the solitude had truly gotten to his head… anything was possible.

When he heard Ed shift behind him, no doubt in search of words that would not come to that bright head right away, Envy turned. Bean complained and shifted in his arms. He always had to have full few of the metaphorical stage, the cute little bastard. Golden eyes met matching ones calmly, holding an aloof distance for his – and Ed's – own safety; perhaps even their remaining sanity. "Spare yourself the trouble and just go," he told him quietly; no anger, no venom in those words.

"No-.."

"Why are you so goddamn stubborn now when you have already made it very clear that you cannot stand the sight of me, chibi-san?" That deep voice regained some of it's characteristic chill sing-song: it was the one effective way he know how to torment with nothing other than simple words.

When Ed did not reply right away, he snickered bitterly with a shake of his head. "I thought I told you that I didn't want your pity."

"It's not pity!"

"Then what is it!" Envy thundered, finally loosing grasp upon the calm collectedness he had exercised before. "I left you alone when you wanted! I showed you the truth! And I _killed_ you for it! Isn't that enough! What more do I have to do to get you to leave!"

Fullmetal visibly flinched at the harsh statements; harsh because of the truth they held, not so much the angry, seemingly desperate tone. "If that was all you wanted, then why did you come to me in the first place!" he shot back just as angrily, stubbornly holding his ground just as ardently.

It was frightening how _alike_ they could be sometimes…

Bean jumped down from his exalted owner's arms as Envy twitched and stepped forward. With a loud mew that went unheard, he dashed away from the pair to climb on the still unmade bed.

"What would you like to hear, o-chibi-san?" Envy mocked, feeling just as he had a year ago in his previous form; with that wonderfully androgynous voice that often confused people; the mocking tone that had been ever-present; the agility, the anger…the furious need to conquer him.

"The truth, for once!"

"You were untouchable and I wanted you." Cold, yes, but it _had_ been the reason he had approached him at first.

"You…" Edward hissed, also taking a step forward.

"You were a damn good fuck, too, chibi-san. I won't deny that."

"You…I hate you…" a whisper.

"Ah, but you sure _loved_ those nights," Envy snickered. "And mornings…and afternoons…" He paused momentarily, dramatically. It was more fun to make a show of it; to fully enjoy it. "If I didn't know better, I'd even say you came to crave it just as much as I did…"

"Shut up!" The whisper transformed into a shout and his left fist flew, aimed up at Envy's grinning face. It did not connect, however. Even though he no longer had the agility of the unnatural strength of a homunculus, he still had the advantage of having prepared for such an attack. He'd expected it, perhaps even coaxed it. Thus, fingers wrapped around that twitching left wrist and yanked, pulling the shorter blonde toward him.

"Why bother denying it, chibi-san?" He purred, caressing a flushed cheek with his free hand. So that was what he felt like…just as he'd remembered: the warmth of his skin, the silkiness of his hair – longer now, beautiful. He preferred it to the silly braid, too: much easier to undo. "Or are you just dealing with moral qualms over fucking your own brother?"

"Half," was all Ed could muster out, protecting the memory of his mother, perhaps. Or the memories of lustful nights he had already felt guilty enough without the knowledge of kin – however distant – between them.

Envy grinned. "Half." He agreed with a nod. Fingers slid under Ed's chin, tilting it upward sharply so that he could look at him – truly look at him for the first time in what felt like two eternities. Those features had aged a year and suited him well; but he could tell with one glance that Ed still carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders like a self-appointed task of penance he would forever carry out for the simple reason that it gave him purpose. It was silly logic to him, but it was what made the chibi himself. And he wouldn't change that.

_Dear god, maybe I_ am _smitten._

* * *

Not much to say about this chapter. It was rather easy to write, rather amusing as well, even though it took so long to get to it. XD;; 


	15. Absolution

Disclaimer: All characters © to the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist, that bring us wonderful bishies to fangirl over and play with.

Author's Notes: I never thought I'd get as far as chapter 15… 0.o;… All of your comments on the last chapter have made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Thank you so much all of you!

Warnings: The smut is finally back. Last chapter.

* * *

**Namida**  
- chapter 15 -  
_Absolution_

It was just so damn convenient for the bastard to point that out, wasn't it? 'Half' he had said with that smug attitude that had long ago been burned into his mind. The smug attitude Ed hadn't seen when he had met the homunculus on the street that morning. But he wasn't a homunculus anymore – a fact he found hard to believe, although he felt the pulsing of blood through those veins, the warm gusts of air that escaped kissable lips with each breath so close to his face, saw the _life_ that flowed through him. Maybe it was the alchemist in him, because he knew that nothing had really changed with the exception of his appearance. Envy had done all those things when he had left him stranded in front of the gate back in Amestris…but it was different now, more real, perhaps.

Or maybe he was just fooling himself.

But as he stood there, rendered worthless by that intense gaze, by the fingers that tilted his chin upward – even now he still had to look up at the bastard – Ed did nothing to stop him. Did nothing but return the look as thoughts flew in and out of his head at high speeds that hardly allowed him to really dwell on them long enough before the next came zooming by.

A little, quiet voice within his head – like a figurative specter sitting on his shoulder – told him to back off; move away before it was too late and he was caught in the Sin's web once again. He had done so well to have avoided him all that time to fall right back in now. Especially after having seen it through his own death. And especially with the knowledge he now carried, poking and jabbing at the morals he still had, however clouded and warped they might be. The little voice was shoved off, the little angelic figure tumbling in a downward spiral from his shoulder to not only collide hard upon the floor, but be stomped upon as one of them – Edward had no recollection of who – took a step forward.

All he did know was that the distance between them had seemed much wider just previously. The closeness was suffocating him, the warmth filtering through the bare windows made the room unnaturally stuffy. He wanted to breathe and couldn't, wanted to find some sort of release but all he found was the jarring shock of lips pressing possessively against his own; devouring and bruising his mouth in such a way he found hard to fight and give in to all at the same time. He was dizzy as wide golden eyes stared up past that head of darker gold at the bare off-white wall.

"You think too much," Envy broke the silence and the kiss – momentarily.

Those words! He had spoken them before, applied to the same situation, yet again, caught by surprise, thinking, going over actions and sentiments in his head as his body was being assaulted and ravished by attention he could not decide whether it was welcomed or not. Fullmetal felt himself redden as heat swept up into his face. He glared indignantly and had to suppress the gasp that was caught on his lips. In that moment of intense familiarity he had almost expected to see that emerald tinted black hair, those slitted eyes of smooth violet.

"Don't look so disappointed, chibi-san."

Damnit, he had caught it. "This is not why I came here."

"Oh?" his voice slid past his lips in a sultry, condescending singsong. "Then why _did_ you come and grace me with your presence, chibi-san?"

It would have been so much easier if he just hadn't been so much of a fool as to follow him here. He would have been better off not wanting to know more, not giving into the gut feeling that told him to follow and demand an explanation. He hadn't counted on this. Hadn't counted on Envy springing back to that old persona so easily, not when he had appeared to have been completely changed. Perhaps that was why Ed needed to follow: to make sure he _hadn't_ changed…

It was a sad mentality, really. Hated him but actually missed him despite all of what he had done. He was setting himself up for disappointment fast.

Fullmetal cast his gaze aside, stubborn 'till the end. It had been a mistake coming here and he knew that – had known it even as he climbed the steps, trying to find the right door that would lead him to his favorite nightmare. He realized now that part of him had been hoping that he would not have the strength to knock; or if he did, that Envy had no longer been within. His hesitant hopes had crashed miserably the moment he saw those eyes staring down at him in a hybrid emotion of surprise and disbelief. Stubbornness had not allowed him to go away when the Sin told him so and thus there he was, in the grasp of the bastard's arms once again. His guilty pleasure, secret desire, greatest denial.

There was no way of telling him, however, why he had come. Not when all the reasons seemed foolish even to him. He looked foolish enough as it was without further deepening the deep hole he'd carved out for himself.

"Let go," he finally said, breaking the heavy silence that had settled over the room.

"You came to me this time…"

Good point. Very good incriminating point, even if he would never admit it out loud. "Let me go, Envy." He raised his voice ever slightly and shook out of that grasp. He could have done it himself without telling him, but there was a twisted satisfaction in laying down orders like that.

But he had let go too easily, far too easily. And it was too late when Ed's senses registered the fact. Clearly at a disadvantage as he had always been, the blonde alchemist was overtaken with ease and just as had been the case so many times before, he did little to fight, _truly_ fight. So as the cushion of a weathered stuffed chair magically appeared behind and beneath him, sandwiching him rather snuggly between cushions and warm flesh that plopped down upon his lap, his surprise was only temporary.

The need to regain some of his decency, however, caused him to speak out – or mumble against forceful lips and invading tongue, such as the case may be. The homunculus – _human, he is now human!_ – paid no mind, clasping his hands and pinning them down against the armrests. He noticed that Envy put more emphasis on his left, flesh wrist…once it had been the other way around. It was but a painful reminder of the events that had gotten him – both of them – to that desolate city.

It had never been right; the highly dysfunctional relationship between them, and it certainly was no better now; if anything, it was worse. Or his morals told him so. The fight slowly dwindled within him as those lips, once forceful, softened, enticing him, inviting him to share what they had once had. Edward shuddered beneath that warm body, pinned ever-so-effectively as his lap was straddled, his wrists held. He caught himself gradually returning that sinful kiss; lips moving slowly at first, tasting that sweetness that was all Envy, even now in this form. It did not matter. It was still him in one way or another. It was his lips he tasted, it was his soft tongue he wrestled with for control that was always lost, and it was that being his body craved. He tugged at his hand and Envy released it. Fingers entangled into loose golden waves at the nape of his neck, pulling him down against him, pressing him further into the worn cushions. A groan built up deep within his throat, stifled by the junction of mouths.

_This shouldn't be happening…_ he told himself through the haze that had become his thoughts; an effect Envy had always seemed to accomplish.

"Shut up." Envy hissed against his lips.

He'd spoken out loud without realizing it. Cringing inwardly, Fullmetal said nothing and swallowed dryly, peering up at him. He felt almost as if this was the first time they had met like this. Perhaps it had been too long. Perhaps he knew too much… perhaps his thoughts were too goddamn loud.

Too loud indeed, he decided upon realizing that Envy had busied himself with yanking his vest open and was now moving onto the plain white shirt he wore. The difference in temperature chilled him, caused goose bumps to pop up along his lightly tanned flesh. They were only then heightened by the lips that fixed themselves to his neck with nips and angry kisses that would no doubt leave their marks.

Ed groaned, biting his lip against the whimpers that welled up in his throat. Fingers tightened their hold on those golden strands as his back arced, welcoming the lips that slid down along his chest until Envy finally had to shift and slid down from his lap in order to accommodate his downward trajectory. That whimper did come when he felt the button of his slacks be undone, the zipper tugged down by lips and teeth as fingers were used to tug the fabric down at his thighs.

He sometimes wondered why it was that he allowed himself to be tormented like this. And then…then he remembered that such torment would be welcomed by most people their, well, his age. At this point in time people either drank themselves into forgetfulness, away from the despair and depression of the post-war times, or they fucked themselves into blissful, forgetful numbness. Or so he had observed over the last year.

However, Ed had not gone through the horrors of the war. Not exactly…unless one were to count the unfortunate incident that had taken place five years ago in London. The metal, the flames, the crackling noise echoing in his ears, the smell…it all returned to him in nightmares once in a while. But otherwise he had not partaken in the war. He had had his own war to wage in Amestris, his own beliefs to fight for, and his stubbornness to keep him going.

And stubbornness itself kept him thinking now even as Envy forced him to pay attention with the experienced mouth that enclosed snugly around his throbbing length. Fullmetal hissed, bit his lip and withheld the gasp that would have escaped him otherwise. He had always been a little noisy under such circumstances. He was vaguely aware of the whisking curtains against the wall, the soft sound of voices murmuring beneath the window: a constant zumzum in his mind that was quickly loosing all sense of thought and comprehension. Teeth touched lightly upon his heated flesh. He cried out, unsure whether it had been pain or pleasure that had lead him to do so. Either way, Envy looked mighty snug and satisfied by the outburst. Finally he had a participating audience to his twisted performance.

It wasn't as if Edward did not enjoy it, much on the contrary. However, every time he looked into those eyes, it was a painful reminder of what had happened and who he truly was. He still had some decency left in him, even if Envy had not! Though… decency quickly dissipated beneath the heated ministrations of lips and rough, hot tongue.

- - -

Later on as Ed sat at home recalling the ordeal that had left him sore in more places than he cared to mention and marked as if he had become someone's property, he abused himself with harsh words and reprimands. They served him absolutely no good, however, as his mind trailed backward in time to the moments of struggle and only-half reluctant pleasure that had left him in such a state.

The trajectory out of that chair had been nothing short of bumpy; his body aroused and far from sated, his desire fired up to an animalistic sort of need. Envy had simply stopped his wonderful performance, grinning mischievously – even more so in the moment Ed groaned in dismay. He had felt himself being yanked from the cushions and tugged roughly toward the unmade bed, from which Bean hastily fled.

"No…wait…"

"Shh…" Envy hissed, contradicting the harsh sound with a light touch of fingers to the alchemist's bruised lips. He would get his way and knew it. He always did, despite any protests Ed would put up. And thus, pulling him forward by the open collar of his shirt, the Sin snatched his attention with a forceful kiss before shoving him down onto the thin, worn mattress. He gave Ed no chance to compose himself before crawling upon him, using the catlike grace that was still with him even after all this time of existing as such a 'normal' being. The theatrical movements came just as easily as they once had.

It had been far too long since he had last left such touches, affectionate or otherwise. Within the year spent in London with his father, Ed had never once sought the pleasure of a woman – or man – even though plenty – of both genders – had enthusiastically approached him.

As he lay there against a bed that should not, under normal circumstances, offer any comfort, he felt at home – though he'd never admit it – beneath the body that sought to overtake him; re-conquer him.

No longer used to the invasive sensation of fingers probing within him with a care Envy had never bothered with that first encounter, Edward gasped sharply. His body spasmed involuntarily even as he forced himself to relax. A second later, just when he thought to have overcome the initial shock, Envy's intruding fingers pressed to something deep within him, causing an instinctive shout to escape kiss-bruised lips. He heard his lover chuckle quietly, victoriously it seemed, but his focus was elsewhere. The sudden coldness, emptiness caused him to whimper with every intake of air. So pitiful – and yet he could not bring himself to truly care.

Sitting up, Ed got as far as freeing himself from his vest and beginning to strip off the shirt before Envy shoved him back down, demandingly. Clothes didn't matter, not now when the necessity was too great. His lover, half-brother – _No! Cannot think of him that way!_ – had freed himself from as many articles of clothing as was necessary. Namely, the dark trousers – something Ed had never seen him have to deal with before. The white shirt that hung from his slender, though toned shoulders was practically ripped off as Ed clung to him, wrapping his fingers into the thin material, partly tugging it off, partly just holding on closely.

"You take too long," he hissed, wrapping his legs around Envy's waist, encouraging him to take the final step; to fill him to the core; to move against him in that maddening rhythmic lust that intoxicated them both; that caused the warmth to rise to nearly suffocating heat; caused his breath to hitch in his throat even as he gasped desperately; caused his body to burn with pain entwined with pleasure.

But it always ended far too quickly – the desperate rush not allowing longer enjoyment, not at first, at least, that would make the euphoria last. What became of them was but a mass of gasping, sweating bodies, draped over one another with quickly beating hearts as the brief explosion of pleasure passed, as senses returned and along with them, the world around them.

"Hot…" Ed gasped, weakly pushing Envy off in order to regain his breath. Surprisingly, the ex-Sin complied without complaint, rolling off ungracefully to flop on the mattress beside him.

Silence reigned for a few minutes. Ed felt as if he could drift into slumber right where he was. But it was Bean that stirred him from the heavy, content drowsiness. He blinked at the black kitten, who padded nonchalantly across his body in order to reach his owner. The furry animal plopped down upon Envy's chest, curling up into a tight ball before drifting off to sleep as if nothing had just happened. It was actually… cute.

The lucky bastard.

"This changes nothing," Fullmetal muttered, lids drooping down once more over glazed golden eyes.

"No," a pause. He felt Envy's matching gaze upon him. "Of course not…"

* * *

This took so long, I'm sorry! T.T Writer's block hit me severely various times through the chapter, making it so hard to complete…even if it was mostly smutty. XD Now, to anyone wondering if there will be more… well… I might write an epilogue of sorts so that it doesn't just leave off like that. BUT... I _do_ have plans to write a sequel of sorts once the movie comes out and new ideas float my way. 


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